The Magnetic: Loving The Womanizer

Chapter 12

Chapter 12: "There is a part of me that is desperate to know if my absence has done any damage to you. That there is a possibility that you too, experience long restless nights due to the thought of me. That your heart is broken in the same places as mine. I want to know that I'm not the only hurting from this. I want to know that I actually meant something to you."

Despite our fight, a part of me still expected to see him outside our house the next day. I went out and slowly opened the gate. Napahugot ako ng malalim na hininga. Ganito pala ang pakiramdam. Masakit na mabigat. Yung taong nakasanayan mong naghihintay sa'yo sa labas ng bahay tapos biglang wala, ganito pala. You felt empty. 

Kahit hindi ko maamin sa sarili ko, deep down I was secretly hoping and wishing he'd show up so we could talk and make up. Thus, it made me feel even worst when I didn't see him the whole day.

"Pupuntahan ka rin ni Vash. Iyon pa ba? Hindi ka naman matitiis non."

"Paano kung na-realize niya na ayaw na pala niya, Bailey? What then?"

"Ang nega mo!" I sighed. "Kausapin mo na kase. Nag-explain naman yung tao kung bakit hindi niya sinabi sa'yo agad."

"What would you feel kung hindi sine-share ni Kirk ang mga problems niya sa'yo? Wouldn't you feel bad?"

"Subukan niya! Uupakan ko talaga siya!" I gave him that-is-what-I-mean look, and it made her grimace. "Pero be, subukan mo rin intindihin. Alam nga kase niya na may pinagdadaanan ka rin."

Kahit nagtatampo ako sa kanya ay hinintay ko pa rin na puntahan niya ako o kaya ay tumawag man lang. But I waited in vain. The next day, I saw him at one of the tambayans in school with his bandmates. I swallowed the lump I felt in my throat; he looked okay. 

Nag-alala pa ako sa kanya dahil hindi siya pumasok kahapon pero mukhang okay naman pala siya. Mukhang nag-e-enjoy naman siya na kausap si Joey na nakaupo pa sa tabi niya. I took a deep breath. Tumalikod na ako para umalis pero napahinto ako ng makita si Calem. He was looking at me blankly. 

"H-hello."

Tumingin siya sa gawi ni Vash tapos ay muling bumalik sa akin ang tingin niya. "Aren't you gonna talk to him?" 

Honestly, I was a bit surprised with his questions. He just strikes me as someone who doesn't give a shit with anyone. 

"H-hindi na. Nagmamadali din kase ako."

Hindi na siya kumibo kaya nagmamadali na akong lumayo. Sa klase ay tulala ako. Hindi ko maintindihan kung paano na kaya niyang maging okay habang ako ay nasasaktan dahil sa away namin. 

Later that day, I saw him again at the cafeteria; he was with Calem, Jay, Caloy, and Joey. Ilang sandali akong nag-alinlangan na pumasok. I wanted to walk out, but a part of me wanted to show him that I was also doing fine. 

"Be, pwede naman tayo na sa labas na lang kumain," Bailey suggested.

I swallowed hard and shook my head. For a moment, I had this strong urge to take Bailey's suggestion, but in the end, my pride wouldn't let me. If he could be okay, then I could also di that. I held my head up high and went inside. 

Kahit ramdam ko ang titig niya ay hindi ako tumingin sa gawi niya. Pagkatapos kong makakuha ng pagkain ay naghanap ako ng pwede naming pwestuhan ni Bailey. Nagawi ang tingin ko sa kanila. He was looking at me like he was waiting for me to sit with them. I looked away and chose to sit in a corner.