𝘓𝘐𝘍𝘌𝘓𝘌𝘚𝘚 𝘞𝘈𝘙//𝘗𝘑𝘔 𝘍𝘍

•Recall•

The coldness of the dark night slowly drained away as the Sun rose to warm the land of Northern Mongolia but the long lasting ice and snow stayed loyal on their trees and frozen lakes. Birds chirped, rooster crowed and soft steps of hooves shuffling around the snow as the day started off when the Sun crawled out. However, Venus found herself wide awake at dawn and had woken up way before the birds but she did nothing than staring at the tent above her with her hands on her stomach and body lifelessly laying there. The only change in her was the puffy eyes, runny nose and dry throat. It was awfully disturbing for her to always wake up with such bad headaches and in such sad conditions but she couldn't help but resume her schedule of crying in the night.

The girl always step out of the tent with a smile and got ready for chores only to skip dinner and cry herself to a few hours of sleep before waking up at dawn with aching eyes and stuffy nose. She was in the worse condition and it seemed to get worse each day as she clenched onto the teddy bear and never unclipped that feather necklace around her. The jewel around her neck have been hanging there since the moment it was clasped around her neck and she wasn't planning to remove it either. Not when she could still feel his gentle fingers brushing against her skin when he clipping the necklace. The sensation was too precious to forget, too precious to get rid of, too precious to unclasp.

The once soft and smooth teddy bear is now stained with tears and wet spot as she sobbed into its fur every single night. It saddened her when she noticed how his scent was gradually fading away from the teddy bear, making her feel even worse. She kept the teddy bear under her arm and cried into the pillows instead so her tears wouldn't wash away his remaining scent. Venus was hysterical when she first arrived in the village of Hwalujia and the cries she had was not soundless, they were pleading and painful cries. Yelling for his name and desperate for his touch. She cried loudest when the traumatic scene played in her head as her nightmare, tearing her over and over again.

As days turned in weeks, Venus figured her nightly cries and sorrowful weep had become her depression. Being a psychologist, the girl quickly picked up on herself and did many things to stop this depression from growing like a wild fire. She did meditation, reindeer riding, spending time with nature, hiking and finally found the best solution for now. Venus sniffled as she slowly turned to the side where the best solution was laying. She sat up with messy hair and aching eyes before reaching for a book with sand paper and wood cover. She opened it and saw her very first diary writing and it was awfully. Everything from her handwriting, to the incoherent spellings, to the tear stains, to the messy description. It was awful. But as she flipped the pages, the diary became cleaner and more organized with words and some even had dried flowers.

Yes, writing diary was the best solution to pour her pain out instead of screaming every night. She found scribbling her feelings on papers was very relaxing and also distracted her brain from the negative emotions. This solution was taught by her dear father whom she had yet to see and had considered dead. Her father used this solution on one patient only and it worked like magic but only a handful of people were fond of it and Venus was one of them.

The diary became her ground of emotions and field of storms as well as she dropped down every single emotions she felt throughout her days. If words couldn't do the job, drawings would. Venus drew in the diary when her feelings get overheated and overwhelmed but honestly her drawings were almost all about him. Every time she sketch him out, Venus always felt her heart stopped and mind in daze as she imagined the man was smiling at her in front of her. There's a page in her diary that only had a drawing of his tattoos and she sketched them out so precisely as if she memorized it. Venus flipped to a page with a sketch of his angelic eye smile and she automatically stretched a smile before pecking the drawing.

"Morning, love"

Venus said in a hoarse voice and stared at the drawing for awhile before flipping to an empty page where she poured out the feelings from last night. Her writing started off aggressive and hurried but slowed down as she calmly described her night. She was basically having therapy with herself, training her mind and heart to relax during her depression episodes and it worked as expected. Her depression wasn't too big to be concerned about but she surely needed to look after it and not let it grow.