I've been waiting

Chapter 27

Sabrina POV

For the past 3 weeks I have been seeing my councillor twice a week, trying to work through all my insecurities with Michael, this wedding plus all of the insecurities about myself. Every session I have with her, we always start right back at the start. My biggest issue is I don't believe enough in myself to help myself which in turns means I cannot help others to my fullest potential. She keeps reminding me that I am worthy to someone. That someone is myself.

I keep repeating the mantra 'Love yourself first and everything else falls into line'. I have been living by this everyday now for the past 3 weeks. Every morning I wake up and allow myself time to get ready. I eat what my body needs. I always take time out of my day to meditate, I have even gotten Michael to join me in some of my meditation times. Clearing my head from all the shit in the world I bring myself back to where I am and look at what is in front of me.

Most of the time what is in front of me is the man who I cannot and will not live without. The man who has chosen to love me warts and all. He finds the good in me and makes me feel alive. Yes we have out problems but we are like any other couple out there. A relationship is built on trust and with only the misunderstanding a few weeks back he has never given me any reason to not trust him.

Every night we take half an hour out of our time to talk. We speak about our honest feelings. I know I have to speak to him about what I did today, but I am too scared about his reaction. Taking a deep breath I start "So babe, I did something today" Michael looks at me with a raised eyebrow. "What did you do today?" I can hear the amusement in his voice. "I went to the local animal shelter" I smile at him.

"What did you see at the animal shelter?" A twinkle lights up in his eyes. "Oh, you know? All those poor animals with no homes" "Sabrina dear, love of my life, spit it out" A laugh escapes his mouth while I chew on my nail nervously. "Ummmm, can we get a pet?" I take a deep breath and speak very quickly to get out what I need to say

"Cause, I found this very adorable dog and I sort of have already adopted him and we get to pick him up the day after tomorrow" Panting, trying to regain my composure and looking at Michael with puppy dog eyes. "Did I mention that I love you and have already spoken to Jayla about looking after him when we go on our honeymoon and she was more than happy to"

Michael squints his eyes at me and gives me a deep belly laugh. I absolutely love that sound from him and it makes my heart feel light. "Well it looks like we have a new family member" I jump up out of my chair and into Michael's lap to smother him with kisses. "Thank you, thank you, thank you. You're the best you know that" Michael is still laughing while I am smothering his face, but his next words make me freeze.

"But our next family member will be one that we create together"

I can feel my dinner rising up through my oesophagus. The burning feeling in the back of my throat, the watery feeling in my mouth. I jump off Michael's lap and run to the bathroom. I come to a skidding stop at the toilet and empty the contents of my dinner and whatever else was in there. Michael wants kids straight away. My stomach is churning at the thought of me being a parent. Michael would make a great dad but me as a mum. I didn't have a role model for that. Michael is standing on the other side of the bathroom door

"Baby, I didn't say right now. I meant in the future, not right now. Babe, let me in. We can talk about it"

I'm still sitting on the floor of the bathroom, trying to get my head around what was just said. I drag myself up off the floor and unlock the door for Michael to come in. "Woah babe. You feel better now?" The biggest smirk on his face. "I'm sorry. You just threw me a curve ball there. I didn't think the children talk came before the wedding" I start to brush my teeth. "The children talk. Babe there is no right time for the 'children' talk. If it were to happen sooner than later I wouldn't be upset. But if you are not comfortable with it, we have time"

After rinsing my mouth out, Michael takes my hand and we head back into the lounge room. Sitting on the couch, Michael turns to face me and holds both of my hands "One day Sabrina, I would like to have children with you. I love you. I will be your husband in 3 weeks. We will work through your insecurities together. I promise you, I will not push you into it. We will take it at your speed"

"I love you Michael. Thank you for being so patient with me"