Under the Cherry Blossoms (Taejin/Kookjin)

Chapter 27.4 Red String of Fate Part 4

AUTHOR'S POV

Trigger Warning: Mention of abuse and death

Under the glowing moonlight, Jungkook and Jin laid on a blanket and wrapped themselves in a sweetheart's cradle. One of Jungkook's arm served as a pillow for Jin. Their entangled hands rested on Jungkook's chest. One of Jin's legs hovered over Jungkook's legs.

Their bodies were pressed to each other. Their heartbeats were moving in sync.

In between pecks on Jin's hair, Jungkook kept on whispering, "I love you. I love you very much. My love for you is as vast as the universe. I love you, Jin. I love you."

Jin chuckled, "I know what you are trying to do, Jeon Jungkook."

"What?"

"You're trying to hypnotize me to say those three words. You horny animal."

"Ouch! I'm hurt. Do you think sex is the only thing in my mind when I'm with you?"

"Isn't it?"

"ummm..." Jungkook hummed and decided to joke around, "approximately 90% yes."

Both of them giggled.

"So, babe. What do you want to talk about? How important is it that we have to put love-making aside?" Jungkook teased.

Jin paused a bit, contemplating if this was the right moment. "About something in the past that influenced my way of thinking," His voice was shaking with fear and hesitation.

Caressing Jin's neck using his arm around him, Jungkook tried to calm Jin's nerves. "Go on, babe. I will listen to you without judgment."

"I spend my early childhood years with my mom working so hard to make ends meet. We were not exceptionally happy. One day, she arrived home with a man who he introduced to me as my father. We went to live with him. At first, he was okay. Then, one day he changed. He began coming home drunk and blurting spiteful words. He started hitting my mother and me with his strong fist. He began blaming us for all the mishaps in his life. He said I was born to ruin perfect moments.

One night, my mom and I quietly left our house. She did not explain to me what happened between us and father. She only said that we were all victims of circumstances and that I should not get angry at him. I don't exactly understand why.

Then, we moved to Seoul. I thought our lives would change for the better, but it did not happen. We were still struggling to survive. My mom overworked to the point that she got really sick. She passed away. I was just a high school student back then. I was left all alone to fend for myself. I worked myself through high school and college. And when I finally graduated and got a job, my employers attempted to harass me."

Heavy tears fell from Jin's eyes. Jungkook continued caressing and placing soft kisses on his hair.

"I began my online cupcake business. It was doing well, until a businessman tried to fool me just to get into my pants. It was like everything in my life does not go well, Jungkook. Our lives are tragic. We will never be happy; my father's words were like a curse that is stuck in my head. Whenever I feel happiness, those words come rushing back to me.

When someone suddenly came into my life and stirred my feelings, I began to doubt if it was okay to feel so much joy and love. No matter how I tried, my father's words pull me back like a loop. This is probably the reason why it is hard for me to accept that someone can give me so much happiness. It is difficult for me to embrace wholeheartedly a perfect moment. I feel like happiness is not that easy to achieve."

While slowly running his fingers through Jin's hair, Jungkook showered him with praises,

"Babe, after hearing your story, I realized that you have always been a strong person from the beginning. You have the potential to be brave and courageous."

"How am I strong, Jungkook? How am I brave when I have this messed up mindset? I live in constant fear that happiness will be taken away from me any time."

"But you're still here."

"What do you mean?"

"Despite how fucked up your life is, how bitchy fate has done to you, you still choose to live. That's how strong you are. Being brave does not mean you no longer have fears. Courage is not the absence of fear. It means continuing to act in the presence of fear. The fact that you chose to go on living despite the fears and doubts is a proof that you can be so much more. Choosing to live is already a good start. Believing that you deserve happiness is another good goal that we can soon achieve together."

Upon hearing Jungkook's comforting words, Jin felt a bit lighter. It was as if a few heavy loads were removed from his chest. "Thank you, Jungkook. I know I've been going back and forth, and my progress is inconsistent..." Jin pressed his body tighter unto his boyfriend and embraced his warmth. "...But I'll do my best. Thank you again for believing in me."

Seeing his beautiful love interest feeling a bit better, Jungkook can't help but smile. He loves Jin with all his heart. There was no doubt about that. However, the reciprocation of such love lacked substantial assurance in terms of strength and amount. He can sense that Jin also loves him, but to what extent? Is it as much as he loves him?

Clearing his throat, Jungkook confessed honesty, "We'll help each other, Jin. We'll work things out. You know, I also have my fear."

"You have fears? The great Jeon Jungkook has fears? What do you fear?"

"Losing you." Two simple words that had been agonizing Jungkook's mind.

There was no audible response from the other. 

Only erratic breathing and heartbeats that signify anxiousness.

"I fear that you will leave me someday." Jungkook continued with voice slowly diminishing to nothing.

"..." Jin pursed his lips and buried his head deeper at the crook of Jungkook's neck.

Uncertainty is a subtle form of torture. And they were trying to escape that through silence.

Jungkook tightened his embrace, pulling Jin even closer to his neck and chest. What have you done to me, Jin? Why do I love you this much? I'm scared. I don't know what to do if I lose you.

He planted a soft kiss on Jin's head as they cuddled their way to sleep.

*****

It was their last day in Busan when they decided to buy some souvenirs. Jin insisted to go shopping on flea and street markets. At first, Jungkook was adamant with the idea as he was not fond of crowded places, but gave in as soon as he saw Jin's puppy eyes and cute pout.

A sudden phone call stopped them from their tracks. "It's from my dad, I have to answer this."

"Ok." Jin removed his hand from Jungkook's arm. "I will just roam around while you are taking the call."

"Don't leave my sight. Don't go far away from me." Jungkook's tone was full of conviction, but his eyes were filled with worries.

"Ok, Jungkook." Jin leaned to peck his cheek.

The call had occupied so much of Jungkook's attention that he did not notice that Jin was already out of his sight. Once he dropped the call, his eyes wandered around, "Jin?"

Before he could even take another step, his phone rang again. This time it was from his private investigator.

"What?" Jungkook became uneasy with the information he got. "Shit!"

He began to pace hurriedly, searching for Jin as if his life depended on it.

When he finally got a glimpse of him, his eyes darkened, teeth gritted and fist clenched.

A man was hugging Jin.

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A/N: To be continued... 

Hello, I hope you're feeling fine. I'm sorry, it's quite unusual to say that after this chapter. >_< Online class is really stressful huhuhu. Anyway, I'll try my best to continue writing whenever I can. Stream Dynamite for good vibes.