Under the Cherry Blossoms (Taejin/Kookjin)

Chapter 38. Bittersweet

JIN'S POV

It is the second week of the Sakura Festival. The blossoms are falling generously, changing the once pink scenery into the usual green and brown view.

The falling petals still looked beautiful, even though they signify the start of the end of spring.

A mixture of cool and warm breeze touches my skin as I sit here on one of the benches. I quietly watch people smiling as they ride swan boats in the Shinobazu pond. They all look happy and peaceful.

I wish I was too.

It has been six days

... six days since I asked Taehyung and Jungkook to wait for me to contact them.

... six days of prolonged agony.

I feel sorry for them. I feel sorry for myself too. However, I had to.

Everything was too much to take. I needed time to clear my thoughts.

As I continued watching couples from afar in their swan boats, I suddenly felt envious. It looks romantic. I want to experience that with him.

My heart pounded. I bit my lips and chuckled to myself.

It is really him, huh?

After six days of reflection, I always end up choosing him.

I chose him not because his love was greater. I chose him because that is what my heart wants.

Taehyung and Jungkook showed me different kinds of love.

Taehyung's love is more about selflessness. He is considerate of how I feel. He is always putting me first. However, it became too selfless to the point of agreeing to all of my requests. It became so selfless that he willingly gave up his happiness, thinking that it gave me peace of mind. And that is where the problem comes in.

Jungkook's love is more about perseverance. He is persistent in showing his love for me. He always puts in a lot of effort for me. However, it became too persistent to the point of losing his morals in the process of loving me. It became so persistent that he was eager to see the results of his efforts no matter the cost. And that's where the problem comes in.

As I mentioned earlier, I could not say which love is greater. Both kinds of love were ideal at first, but became flawed and excessive along the way.

And yet, it was not entirely their fault. I am aware that I also had a part why their love became like that.

I was indecisive. I was so busy romanticizing destiny that I tend to neglect the value of choices at certain times.

Although I became better as time passed by, a part of me still had a bit of hesitation. Although I could say I am healed, the scars left behind still can shaken me.

Hence, I want to correct it. I want to put an end to this indecisiveness. I know it seems impossible to do that because it has become a part of my system. It is the scar that can't be removed. And throughout this lifetime, I will surely experience that again.

However,  despite this indecisiveness, I want to be braver, take a risk and make a choice. At the end of the day, I want to be firm with my decisions.

Yes, I want to take another chance in love. And I'm hoping this time around, we could work things out.

I want to work things out with... him.

A sudden pang hits my chest again as realization sinks in.

In choosing him, I have to reject the other.