incandescent ²

06. starburst

arden

mom's awake.

i try to creep through the halls, but she's standing right there in the living room --- not facing me, though --- but then again, she doesn't mind me leaving at night. i can just say i left to get drugs and she'll let me off the hook.

i glance at the clock. it's almost three a.m. i manage to get to my room without alerting my mom. she's probably too tired to deal with me right now.

i shut the door behind me and take a deep breath, running my hands over my face and through my hair a few times. i'm exhausted, but i don't want to sleep. i want to hold a random conversation with someone who gets me, someone who thinks like i do, someone who appreciates things, but i can't, because she left.

i don't believe in love at first sight.

it doesn't add up.

i have no specific reason for checking the alleyway earlier, except maybe for the scream i heard, but it's not the first time i've heard a scream. i'm glad i did, though. very glad.

i did have other options; like stalk her and find out where she lives, but that's highly stalkerish, and with the rape incidents i presume have occured more times than i can imagine, i don't think that would be a good option.

i have to get her to trust me.

somehow.

let's just hope i don't forget about her first.

she's already invaded my head, taken control of my thoughts, which is a good sign and a bad one at the same time, and it can go either way.

maybe if i don't sleep, my head won't rid itself of today's events.

i have no control over what my body wants, because before my head hits my oddly fluffy pillow, my body's shut down for the night.

+

i have no indication of the time when i wake, but it's definitely morning.

i toss my covers aside and get up, doing a few stretches. the crackling sound my bones make usually calm me down, hence, it's a habit now. a bad one, but it can't be stopped. i don't want to stop.

"hey," says arya, my sort of little sister. she's a step, and her mom's off to rehab or something, so she lives with us. i'm already attached to her, and i don't want her mom to come back because i don't want her to leave, but i won't necessarily hire anyone to kill the woman.

that idea isn't fully crossed out, though.

i smile and throw my head in her direction. "what's up? did you sleep okay?"

she bites her bottom lip and enters into my room fully, making sure to secure the door shut. then she shakes her head.

i don't need a mirror to know that my expression falls. what's worse is that i can't help her, no matter how much it breaks my heart to see her like this.

"i had that dream again." her voice is the tiniest whisper, and i almost don't hear it. "it was scarier, though. i thought i was gonna die."

i purse my lips and focus my eyes on the five year old in front of me. she's not even supposed to know anything about death, and if i could sap away the hurt, i would. but i can't, and i already have so much to deal with. so i have to give the best i can.

the best i can while not being late for school.

"come here," i reach out to her and she nears me. "why didn't you come wake me? i'd have sung you something." i thread my fingers through her knotty dirty blonde hair.

"you weren't here."

those three words are enough to cause a deep feeling of regret, but as much as i want to blame myself, i'm slightly happy. i blame myself, yes, but there's something else. something worthwhile. i just can't place my finger on it.

"i'm sorry," i say, like it'll fix anything. sorry can't change what's happened, and it's a pretty useless word in my opinion, but it's the least i can do. "sorry i wasn't here." i press my lips to her right temple. "you'll be okay. are you gonna tell mom?"

she shakes her head again. "she's gonna send me to the woman again if i do. miss ivey is nice, but i don't like her. she doesn't help me."

i pat her head absentmindedly. i am at a complete loss at what to do, mainly because she just told me she hates her sorta therapist, and she would rather face her pain than fight it.

at least, i think that's what she said.

but she's strong. sometimes, like now, i have to remind myself that this is a five year old and not a mature adult stuck in the wrong body.

still, that's a possibility.

"are you gonna be able to go to school?"

to this, she nods and i smile. "i can't miss a day because of a bad dream. plus, if i call in sick, mom's gonna be on my tail."

okay, she talks differently from any other five year old i've met, and i think that's entirely my fault. being around me rubbed off on her, and in a good way.

i chuckle. "alright, go get ready and meet me downstairs. i'll get you some ice cream, say, after school?"

she hesitates, her brows furrowed in concentration. she's trying to figure out whether it's a good deal or not.

"with sprinkles," i add.

her face breaks out in a smile and she nods. "deal." she's prancing to the door when she turns back. "i love you, arden. you're the best brother ever."

of course, i smile again.

·—·
a/n

short chapter >.<
apologies?
i just wanted to skip scenes but then it wouldn't make sense
plus, this made him ten times cuter in my head so
did you like this? leave a vote!

and oh, don't forget to have a nice day! or night <3