incandescent ²

18. glory days

l a u r e n

i'm sitting in bed and sweating my life away.

while it's not the kind of behaviour i encourage — faye faking an illness to stay home with me today (it's like she sees the future, because she's been spewing cryptic nonsense all day) — i have to say that it's thoughtful and i love it.

i'm just really glad my parents bought into it. plus, they don't want me home alone, and they both had to work today.

"tell me more about your boyfriend." she's on her bed facing me, and her legs are crossed and her feet are facing the ceiling. she's looking at me with so much interest, and i almost snort.

"he's not my boyfriend." i roll my eyes. "and he never will be." sighing, i pull my covers up to my chest. "how's school been? it's like we haven't had time to talk recently."

a look of pure concern masks her features, and soon she's sitting next to me with tears in her eyes.

"i am. . .beyond confused at this point," i say, scooting closer to the wall to make room for her.

she giggles and throws her hands on me. "i try not to think about what could happen."

and that's when it hits me. i've been selfish, stupid, many things i'd rather not list.

"i didn't even think about how my death might affect you," i mutter. i've been so busy wishing things were different.

i don't want to go.

i let my eyes wander around the room. soon it'll be just one bed that'll be occupied, my stuff might be given out, there'll be less noise for our parents to complain about, and less of a mess too.

a tear slips from my eye and my shoulders jerk forward.

"you know, we should probably not make this a crying fest. let's do something fun." before i know it, faye's out of the bed again, leaving her scent in the air.

no.

i should have given arden my phone number.

she's back with her laptop and a bluetooth speaker, and i give her a sly smile.

"if you think i'm gonna spend my last days binge watching friends, you've lost it." i raise my covers and throw them over my head.

"come on, please?"

i don't need to be able to see her to know that she's pouting. unfortunately for her, i don't lift my blanket. i can't, even if i want to.

wait, i can't move at all.

"ren?"

i hear faye's voice, but i can't answer. it's like my body quit on me without telling me, and no matter how much brain power i try to exert, i can't perform simple actions.

my brain is still dishing out orders, but the rest of me isn't taking them.

"ren, are you okay?" the covers are ripped off me and i can see faye and light. a lot of light, and it's super blinding.

did something go wrong with my vision?

of course not.

"thank god i skipped school today." faye rolls me over so that i'm laying on my back and she taps my cheeks a few times. i don't even feel it. "shit."

she's trying to find a phone, probably to alert more authoritative figures. "c'mon, come on!" by the way she slams the phone on the bed, i assume whoever she called didn't pick up.

"leave a—" i start to say, but she cuts me off.

"there's no time to leave a message, lauren. just stay down, shut up, and focus on not dying!" her eyes widen and then soften. "i'm sorry."

"ambulance."

i'd rather die in my sleep. it'd be much less confusing, and much more straight forward and peaceful.

she takes my hand in hers and gives it a reassuring squeeze. "you're not dying, okay? it'll pass, just like it always has."

of course, it will.

+++
a/n

i know it's a super short chapter, but i swear it's completely necessary.
it's like, the most important one in the whole book
it's not, but :)

and don't be scared, ren's not dead!

with that said, carry about your day!

(idk if i used the phrase right^)