Love Me

Chapter 38

TRIGGER WARNING; Mentions of abuse! If this is going to trigger you in any way please skip this chapter.

I'm wearing a slightly see through loose white sweater, and black sleep shorts, i'm barefooted because i don't work today so i'm just sticking around the house. Ashton literally just left for work, he got called in today even though we both were supposed to be off.

I have Lily in the play pen playing with some toys while i start cleaning. It's not that Ashton's house is messy, but you can tell a man lives here by himself.

Lily and I have been staying with him ever since what happened at Lily's birthday party. Everyone is worried he's going to hurt us or something. To be honest i don't want to take that chance either, I haven't talked to him at all since the party. He's been texting telling me how sorry he is but i've ignored all of them.

I was just about to play some music and start cleaning when the doorbell rang. I went over and opened the door without even thinking to look to see who it was and froze when i saw Colby standing there. My heart started beating a little faster at the sight of him, i didn't know what Colby to expect.

"What are you doing here?" I asked nervously, gripping the door so that i could slam it on him if i needed to.

"I wanted to apologize. You weren't answering my texts so i thought i would swing by your apartment but you weren't there so i figured you'd be here.. Can we please talk?" He asked softly. I hesitated. He seems calm, the calmest i've seen him in months...He even looks remorseful. I think that that is what made me not slam the door in his face right then and there like i wanted to.

"Start talking.." I said trying to keep all emotion out of my voice.

"Can i come in?" He asked.

"I'd prefer you didn't. You can say what you need to say from right there." I asserted. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, messing it up even more than it already was.

"I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, i don't know what's wrong with me...I'll be fine and then i'll just get sooo angry! I don't know how to stop it..." He said sadly.

"You need help....you need a new therapist or something.. You need more help than what you're getting." I shrugged. I'm not telling him anything he doesn't already know.

"I know.... will you help me?" He begged.

"I can't...." I said sadly looking down at the ground. "I tried so hard to get you help, to be there for you, and look how that turned out. You're hurt me so much over the last months....I can't keep doing this to myself....I can't do this to Lily." I said shaking my head. It kills me to refuse to help him, but i can't do this anymore. I can't heal him just for him to break me.

"Please, just take me back! I'll get help, i'll go to an institution, i'll do anything.... I just need you! I can't stand the thought of you being with someone else, please.... Just give me another chance to change.." He continued to beg.

"No, Colby. You blew it. You've been so hateful towards me, you've been so neglectful towards Lily.. I can't do that. I can't be with you. I hope you get help, i hope you can get better and change....But i won't be there when you do. I'm happy with Ashton, he's an amazing guy, and i'm not giving that up." I stated. He stood there staring at me in shock, like he didn't expect me to tell him i'm done and that i'm not helping him anymore.

Then his facial expression changed and that rage filled his face again, i quickly tried to slam the door on him but he shoved it open with his shoulder, knocking me backwards in the process.