Sister to Jonas

Failure

Joe's POV

Currently, the only reason I know of anything happening in Brexley's life is because of Instagram. For example, she apparently has a boyfriend now, which I learned from her post last night where she was all over the guy in what looked like the lobby of our apartment complex. Her apartment complex now, I guess.

Seeing that post kind of made my heart ache, if I'm being honest. Yes, of course I'm glad she's finally happy, because from what Kevin was telling me, she went through hell after I left. Which I regret more than anyone could possibly understand, because the reason for my existence isn't to make her miserable, but that's kind of besides the point. It's finally sinking in for me that I'm the worst possible brother, much less twin brother, in the world, and Brexley deserves so much better. I left the apartment on a whim, which was mistake number one, and then I didn't get in contact with her when she tried to get me to come back. Mistake number two, and a big one at that. But the biggest issue is this: I'm her twin brother, the person she told everything to before the fight. I was her best friend, and I knew what was going on in her life almost better than she did most of the time. Now, I find out she has a boyfriend, which is very exciting and personal and something her best friend should know, through social media instead of her telling me so. That makes me feel awful, more so than anything else that's happened.

I want to reach out to Brexley, tell her I'm happy for her, but I can't even bring myself to like the post. I don't know why, other than the fact that I feel like she will be pissed off if I do. It's been so long, and she didn't respond last time, and I don't even know if it's worth it. Maybe it's stupid, or petty, or whatever, but I know for a fact she wants nothing to do with me anymore, and I don't know how she'll react to me engaging with her on socials. I don't want her to hate me even more than she does now, if that's possible. And besides, it's not as if I don't have my own things to focus on right now, unrelated to Brexley. Now, I've got to focus on my friendship with Sophie and my very shallow brotherly relationship with Kevin, before I lose those as well.

"Hey, Joe," she says once she picks up.

"Hi. Thanks for doing this. I know I want to call a lot," I tell her, and I can literally hear her smile through the phone.

"J, I've told you so many times that I don't mind you calling me. I like to talk things out with you and hear about everything that's going on over there," she says.

"I know, but still. I'm always afraid it's an empty invitation," I say, and Sophie laughs.

"It's not, I promise."

"I appreciate that. But anyway, about what I was hoping to talk about. It's just, I feel like I failed Brexley. I failed her by letting my emotions get the best of me and never doing anything about it afterwards. I mean, yeah, I was angry, and I still am a little, but I shouldn't have let this turn into the situation we're dealing with now. It feels like we're strangers, and I never in a billion years thought this would happen. I don't want things to be like this, but it's too late to fix it."

"You didn't fail her. Listen, I'm not going to sugarcoat it, you shouldn't have ignored her when she was trying to contact you. That wasn't your smartest decision. But you definitely didn't fail her; you're not the only one to blame for this. At the end of the day, she still had her own part in everything that happened."

"I know, but I kept making it worse and worse and worse. It's my fault that we're at the point we are right now," I say sadly.

"Not necessarily. Listen, I love Brexley, and I don't want to put all the blame on her either, but she had the chance to respond to you and fix your relationship. She chose not to."

"She gave up. Just like you said she did. She gave up on me before I even texted her. But that's not even the point; there's so many elements to her life right now that I don't even hear about from her. It's depressing, Sophie, it really is."

"Is this about the Instagram post from yesterday?"

"Yes! A few months ago, I guarantee I would've been the first person Brexley told about her boyfriend. I would've been in on all the details. Now I don't even get to know until she posts something about it! I don't know how long they've been dating, how they met, anything! It makes me feel horrible! I don't even matter to her anymore!" I say, all my emotions rushing to the surface at once.

"Don't say that. It's never going to get to the point where you don't matter to her. That's impossible; you guys love each other too much. I know it hurts that you have to find everything out about her life through Instagram, but you guys will fix this. No matter how long it takes, I know in the end you will be back to being best friends."

"I hope so. I really do, because I don't want to lose her forever. Well, I'll let you get back to it. Thank you again," I tell her.

"You got it. Text you later," she says, and we hang up.

Obviously Sophie thinks Brex and I have the sibling strength to save our bond, and I'm glad she believes in us, but I'm not so confident. A lot has happened over the last two months, and I can tell my sister hates me. She clearly doesn't want to talk to me, and I know I need to respect her wishes. I have to move on with my life, as she clearly has with hers. It's time for me to start working towards my new goals in life; to create a band that is solely my own and one that people love. To create music that's fun, different, and will get the people going. To make opportunities for people to party, have a good time with friends and family, forget the stressors of everything surrounding them. Most importantly, I want to make my own creative outlet with some quality bandmates, a place where I can let go of the bad vibes and uneasy feelings caused by my falling out with Brexley and Nick. Lord knows I need it.