Sister to Jonas

Voice

Brexley's POV

Today I'm over at Jason's apartment, helping him clean and get ready for when his childhood friends come over tomorrow. Well, I'm not really helping him clean, I'm actually doing all the cleaning while he searches for a good playlist on Spotify, but details aren't important right now.

"Jay, just put on a radio station or something. That way you don't have to worry about it," I say, growing exasperated with him after a while.

"Fine. What station?" he asks, and I roll my eyes, grinning at him.

"Do I have to do everything around here?"

"Yes," he says, giving me a cheeky smile and handing me his phone.

Well, if he's going to let me decide, then he already knows I'll be putting on Z100. It's the best New York radio station ever, practically the only one I listen to.

"Of course it's this one," he says, shaking his head as I give him the phone back.

"You better believe it."

As the two of us clean various parts of the apartment, we don't say too much; both of us are too engaged in our work to worry about conversation. I just let the words and melody of the songs sink into my brain, let them take me somewhere and show me something. This is why I love music, because it's one of the only things that allows this type of experience.

The radio host works his way through Four Five Seconds, Locked Away, GDFR, Cool for the Summer, Stitches, Adventure of a Lifetime, Love Yourself, and then Centuries before he stops and talks a little bit. I don't really hear what he's saying; if music isn't playing, I basically just tune the radio out. I'm not a huge fan of listening to them talk, you see. And then music starts to play again, and I can barely breathe.

I would recognize that voice anywhere. It would be impossible for me not to. That voice belongs to the person who I thought would always be my best friend. It belongs to my twin brother. That voice belongs to Joe.

Before I can even process what's happening, tears are running down my cheeks. It's been so long since I've heard Joe's voice, especially his singing voice, not to mention as part of a new band that I know will be a huge hit. And then Jason is by my side, talking to me, trying to comfort me, but I'm inconsolable. Hearing this song, this Cake by the Ocean, just made every emotion pent up inside me erupt at once. There's no coming back from this now.

"Do you want me to turn it off? I can turn it off," Jason says, reaching for his phone.

"No. Leave it on. I want to hear the whole thing," I say, and my boyfriend nods, allowing me to bury my head in his chest as he holds me tightly.

When it's over, they play it again. I don't blame them for this; it's too good a song to only be played once. If I'm being honest, it's probably my new favorite song, and not just because it's Joe's. Unfortunately, I cry throughout the whole thing, so if I'm going to be listening to this a lot I have to learn to keep my emotions under control.

"That was Joe's, right?" Jason asks cautiously after the song finishes for the second time.

"Yeah. That was his. With his new band," I tell him, dragging the heel of my hand down my cheeks to dry them.

"Did you like that song?"

"Yeah, it was great. I just wish I could fucking tell him that," I say angrily.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"It's just that I've been so furious with him for so long; I still am. I know he's angry with me too. But I also miss him more than I can even comprehend, and I wish I could tell him when I'm happy for him. When I'm proud of him. I just want to talk to Joe!" I shout.

"Brexley, I think you should just call him. Or text him, at least. If you miss him this much, he probably does too," Jason says.

"It's too late. We haven't spoken in two years, Jay. He's over it, and I need to be, too. I just wish it didn't have to be this way. I just wish I wouldn't have screwed things up."