#22 - Huang Renjun

29

"Jinji? What are you doing here it's 3 am." Renjun asked me.

"I wasn't tired and I needed a place to relax." I replied calmly. He walked towards me and sat down in front of me.

"Have you slept?" He asked again. I looked down and shook my head.

"Jinji you're going to be exhausted tomorrow." He told me.

"I know." I replied, my voice cracking from holding everything in.

"Are you okay?" He asked. All of those emotions I was holding in just flooded out of my body in the fastest it's ever been. I cried so hard. He carefully lifted me onto his lap and held me tightly and close.

He rubbed my back with one hand while the other was on my lower back, keeping me close. My head was in the crook of his neck as I sobbed.

Finally after around 6 minutes I calmed down. I pulled back and looked at him, still on his lap.

"Baby, talk to me." He softly spoke. His voice was so calm and he still looked sleepy.

"I let it get to me. Everything that people have been saying. I listened to them. I'm stressed. Ive never been to this point in my life where I feel so attacked and pressured. It's like waking up anymore has became a challenge." I told him.

"You know I am always willing to help you no matter what the cost. All of us are here for you and we will always be here. If there's anything in specific that you are frustrated or upset about just say it and we'll get rid of it. If us being together is too much for you to handle then we can wait-" I interrupted him.

"No it's not like that. It's just being an idol. It seems like everyday I work hard just to get harder obstacles thrown at me. I'm emotionally drained. I'm tired. But not tired of lack of sleep. Tired because I hate letting everyone around me down, even though I try so hard." I explained.

"You have never let us down. All of us boys understand what you're going through, and you're the one we look up to. Even the hyungs. You're the most hardworking and courageous woman anybody has ever seen. You put in so much effort and we all admire that so much." He replied.

"I just feel like I let everyone down. Like every single day I fall behind from the rest of you and that I'm never getting better." I told him.

"You think you're falling behind? If anything you're the one we're all trying to catch up to. You're always practicing, and you barely take time for anything else anymore. We all can hardly keep up with you." He clarified.

"Thank you, Renjun." I cooed. I hugged him again and we sat like that for a minute.

"Can we go sleep now?" He asked. I nodded and stood up, helping him up as well. We walked back to the dorm, laying down on the couch in each other's arms.

Morning

"Dude shut the hell up, do you want to wake her up?" I woke up to. I opened my eyes and stretched, yawning as well.

"Nice one." Renjun said to Jaemin who was sitting at the other side of the couch in green sweatpants and a red t-shirt.

"You can't be serious that you actually wore those to bed." I spoke.

"Yep! Every Christmas Eve!" He cheered. I chuckled and laid back down, staring up at the ceiling.

"Care to explain?" Jisung appeared at the top of the couch with a phone over my face, with a picture of me and Renjun sleeping with my face in his chest.

"Explain what?" I asked.

"You two have been cuddling at least twice a week." He replied.

"Bro me and you cuddle all the time what do you mean?" I questioned.

"Not to sleep." He answered.

"He's my snuggle bear." I poured and did aegyo. Jaemin screeched and hid his face in a pillow while hitting the arm rest aggressively. Jisung laughed so hard he was now out of sight and on the floor dying.

"And you're my snuggly wuggly poof puff." Renjun appeared and did aegyo. This time it was my turn to cringe. I rolled in the blanket once before fully hitting the ground with a loud noise. I laid there and curled my body up tightly.

"You good?" Jeno asked from the hallway entrance. I rolled side to side trying not to fully puke.

"Merry Christmas! Wait what did I miss?" Haechan yelled.

"The *intense laughter* aegyo!" Jisung answered.

"I was joking around and did aegyo but then Renjun killed us all. Oh god you're so lucky you didn't see it." I told Haechan. He laughed and sat down on the couch next to me.

"What are we doing today?" He asked.

"We gotta take pictures and then later we'll have a christmas vlive and make a gingerbread house." Jeno explained.