Not my Husband

Feeling

Several days pass by with me staying in the hotel; I'm not exactly sure how many days because I had lost all sense of time. The only time I got out of bed was to use the bathroom; I showered at least 4 times a day during my stay. It made me feel better. Lucas came as often as he could, he always brought me food which I never touched, he would talk to me, but I could barely hear anything he would say. He always made sure I wasn't alone, when he wasn't there, a therapist would come in and talk to me, and I barely heard what she had to say either.

He used my phone to email Riley to tell her that I would need to take some personal days. Sometimes he would read me the million text messages I was receiving from Jess, but I would tune him out. I didn't want to hear a word from her or Ryan, what happened to me happened because of them, they are the ones that suggested we go out, they are the ones that made go on this double date; they are the reason why Hunter did what he did to me.

The nights were the most difficult when I fell asleep I would have nightmares about that night and when I was awake it was all I could think about it. I would think about what I could have done differently, and how if I just gone out with Lucas this would have never happened. The past few days have been torture, even though he is not here, Hunter still has so much power over me. Sometimes I even think about what is he doing, or who he is doing it with, what he is wearing, what he eats for breakfast or if he feels remorse over what he did, has he done this to anyone else before. Hunter has taken my sanity, he has invaded my brain he is all I think about and it physically hurts. I should have let Lucas kill him that night, I should have watched as he took his final breath, I want to watch the light go out of he's eyes as the life goes out of him. It's morbid, I know, but it makes me feels better.

Two weeks passed and I still couldn't leave that Hotel room it was my safe space, a month passed and I still couldn't feel anything, or speak about what happened

.

.

"Yara, please speak to me" Lucas says after having watched me lay in bed wordlessly for the past couple of hours. It's noon, on a Saturday, exactly 35 days after the incident

"Yara, I'm worried about you" Lucas says, I started actually hearing what Lucas was saying a couple weeks ago, I don't know how but he became more than just muffled sounds in the background

"Tell me what to do, please" Lucas practically begs

"I want water" I manage to croak, Lucas rushes to the mini fridge and grabs a bottle of water for me and opens it

"Here" He says passing, he's fingers brush against mine slightly as he passes me the bottle, and I don't even flinch, in fact it felt kind of nice. Lucas takes a seat at the edge of the bed careful not to get too close, I sit up and take small sips of my water and Lucas watches me the whole time. When I'm done, I give him back the bottle and purposefully brush my fingers against his. Maybe now my body knows that Lucas would never hurt me, he has taken care of me for so long, paying for this hotel room and food as well as the therapist. He's also just been there, sitting with me.

"Do you need anything else" Lucas asks putting the bottle of water on the night stand the getting back to his position at the edge of the bad

"Could we watch some cartoons" I ask, maybe watching something could help me get out of my head. I am so tired of sleeping all day, I'm tired of the nightmares, and I'm tired of thinking about Hunter, he doesn't deserve another thought, I am so tired of him exercising so much power over me.

"Sure" Lucas says getting up and grabbing his laptop that's but the chair he is always sitting on

"Popeye right?" he asks walking back " I remember you telling a while back how much you loved it, especially the black and white versions" He continues placing the laptop on the bed