I don't deserve to live ~ Depressed Bakugou

~ Realisation ~

Bakugou POV
I lay there in my bed, sobbing. I don't want to be the one who ended All Might. I don't want to get up for school, but I want to become a hero so I have to push through the pain and put on a tough face. I look at myself in the mirror, the ugly me.....disgusting. I swipe up my uniform and put it on, I flop back onto my bed and just stare at the ceiling. I hear my alarm go off, so I get up and walk down to go to school. I see Deku talking with his friends as he walks by me, our shoulders brush against each other.
"OI DEKU! WATCH WHERE YOUR FUCKING GOING!" I snap at him
I instantly regret it as I see his face crumple, he says softly "I'm sorry Kacchan..."
I scoff and walk into the classroom, I'm 18 minutes early. I slump down in my seat and stare out the window, I let my mind wander to all sorts of places while I wait for class to start.
"Why did I have to end All Might? I don't deserve to live, why can't I just die already?" I realise I said the last part aloud and I look around, I thought there was no one here. But I guess not. I see Deku and his friends standing around his table, and I see Deku looking at me, sadness glossed in his eyes. None of his friends seemed to notice me. I see the other extras flood into the room as there's 2 minutes before class starts. Suddenly it's like a pack of wild animals in here. I turn back around and I see Aizawa walk into the room and start to teach the lesson.
Deku POV
I walk into class and I see Kacchan staring out the window with a blank slate spread across his face. No emotions. No angriness. No happiness. Nothing at all. I feel bad for him as I sit in my seat and Iida and Uraraka talk to me.
"-live, why can't I just die already?" I hear Kacchan say to himself quietly
I feel my eyes widen, and I look at him in shock. Kacchan......is he really feeling that way...? I see him look around as he wasn't supposed to say that out loud, and our eyes meet. I can see his eyes. They aren't like they usually are. They aren't the angry, fierce, red orbs I'm used to. They are sad, pleading, red jewels that no one has ever seen. I feel my hand begin to shake as he turns back around. Mr Aizawa walks into the classroom 2 minutes after everyone else had came into the room. I could barley concentrate on class as my mind wanders to Kacchan. Every time I get him out of my mind, he enters in again.
"We are going to have hero training now." Mr Aizawa says
~after hero training~
Me and Kacchan are alone in the changing rooms, slowly changing into our uniforms. It's awkward between us, because I heard him, and he knows I heard him. I think... I turn around. I see Kacchan shirtless, I turn back around immediately my face going red. I put on my shirt and tie my tie and I'm about to walk out. I feel a hand grip my wrist tightly. I feel my body being thrown against the wall. The sound of my body thumping against the wall echoes throughout the building.
"Izuku..." Kacchan says without looking me in the eyes
"Did you just call me Izuku?!" I gasp
"Please...don't tell anyone what you heard...." Kacchan says before looking me in the eyes, his eyes are rimmed with tears.
"But Kacchan it's seri-"
"I KNOW IT IS!" He yells before saying the next part softly, "I know...."
Kacchan is carrying so much on his shoulders right now, the least I can do is respect his wishes. I wrap my arms around him. I feel him jolt from the sudden embrace.
"I won't, if that's what you really want." I say softly
I feel Kacchan's arms wrap around me, and it's my turn to jolt. I wasn't expecting to be hugged back.
"Thank you..." He says as tears spill from his eyes.
"Kacchan, if you'd like...." I say softly, "I can be here for you, whenever you need me. Don't hesitate."
"I-" Kacchan stutters, "I'd like that...if it doesn't become a hinderance or anything..."
"Kacchan it would never-"
We hear a bang on the door loudly we jolt out of our hug and Kacchan wipes his eyes with his hand.
"What's going on in there? We heard a loud bang and we want to see if everything's okay!" Kirishima yells
"Yeah! Bakugou are you hurting Midoriya?!" Mina yells
"Dude, did you throw him against the wall again?" Kaminari-kun calls out
"AGAIN?!" Mina screeches, "THAT'S NO HERO-LIKE!!"
Kacchan flings the door open, making the three jump back to the wall.
"Yeah I did, he was pissing me off." Kacchan says, looking back to his usual self
"Yo, dude." Kirishima asks, "Have you been crying?"
"I'll make you cry in a minute Shitty Hair." Kacchan threatens while making explosions from his hands
Kirishima puts his hands up and tries to calm him down, with no success. Kacchan starts yelling at them, for no reason that is clear. Kacchan, in the blink of an eye, is wrapped in Mr Aizawa's capturing weapon.
"Calm down, what's your problem?" Aizawa says as he rolls his eyes
"A lot of things..." he mutters quietly, but I heard him..
"Did you say something?" Aizawa asks
"Yeah! I asked what your problem was!!" Kacchan yells back
Me Aizawa rolls his eyes again, "You."
It's so sudden but I can see Kacchan's eyes simulate sadness, but just for a moment. In the blink of an eye, they are back to his normal fierce eyes. I don't think anyone else saw the pure sadness in his eyes.
Bakugou POV
The way he said that I was his problem...it hurt. I know he was only joking, but I can't help it. It hurts so much to hear that you are causing someone problems.
~Time skip~
I walk into my dorm room and flop onto my bed, I cry for a couple of minutes. Before I hear the voices, they are so loud and they won't go away.
Why are you even eating?
What good are you in this world?
Why are you so ugly?
Fat
Useless
I've heard that some people cut to release pain, I've never done anything actually inflicting pain onto myself. But I'll try it. I want the voices to go away. Maybe this will drown them out. I walk downstairs and go into the kitchen of the dorm rooms, I grab a knife and shove it into my jumper pocket. I look around, no one saw me. I walk back up to my room and lock the door. I walk into my bathroom and I take the knife out of my pocket. I roll up my sleeves.

⚠️ Skip if you are sensitive to this sort of stuff, I will put another one of these messages when you can continue reading⚠️
I move the blade across my wrist, avoiding the veins. Crimson blood drips out of the cut. I like the feeling. I cut some more. I cut and cut until my arms have about 10 cuts on them both. I wash the blood off and watch as the bloody water flow down the sink. I just let the cool water flow over my cuts for about a minute. I turn off the tap and I dab my arms with my towel. I grab some bandages from my bathroom sink, and I see that if I enjoy cutting like this, I'm going to have to buy more bandages. I wrap my arms in the bandages and just in time because I hear a knock on my door.
⚠️ Continue Reading ⚠️

The knocking gets louder, and louder.
"Fucking hell, what do you want?" I yell as I open the door to see a smiling Kirishima
"We're going to have a movie night, wanna join?" He says as he smiles
"Ew." I reply, I see his face sink "Can't you take a joke? I'm coming hold up."
His face lightens up, and he runs downstairs while he yells, "Okay! Meet in the lounge!"
I slip into some casual clothes, with long sleeves. I'm going to have to buy more long sleeve shirts. I go downstairs and I see Deku's face light up.
"Kacchan! You came!" He says as he rushes up to me
"And why wouldn't I?" I say as a scoff, and pat him on the head
"E-eh Ka-Kacchan! What are you-"
"Don't get used to it, I'm in a good mood." I say, a microscopic smile creeps onto my face
"What movie do you wanna watch?" Deku asks me
"I don't care, I know not horror since your a baby. Maybe a Disney live action movie? How about Maleficent?"
Deku nods and Mina looks through Disney plus until she finds it, I might actually have a fun time.
~1542 words~