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Chapter 1

* C H A R L O T T E *

The world below is getting smaller and smaller. I see houses and cars. They're filled with people. People with their own lives and their own problems. People who are happy. People who feel all kinds of things. Maybe even someone who feels exactly like me. Alone. Afraid. Sad. Hurt. Lost.

I'm leaving the States behind, I'm leaving love, I'm leaving my future. The flight attendant says something to me and I turn around. I order myself some tapas and some red wine. She gives me a pitiful smile. I look through the window of the airplane again to escape from her gaze and I can't believe my life has come to this. People actually look at me with pity in their eyes. I can't stand it. It's time for a change. Take the matter in my own hands. Gain power over my life again. Two years ago I had a fresh start. The future had looked promising and exciting. Surely the universe had something big planned for me. I had a plan when I moved to Cardiff. Cardiff was supposed to be my big chance. Where did it all go wrong? I feel like going back to Belgium is a failure. I was the one with the big Hollywood future and now I have nothing left. No future, no job, no prospects, no boyfriend. No Hero. What will people say? The woman brings me the wine and the tapas and I thank her. As I pour a glass I think back to the decision I had to make at the airport. Where to go? Where is home? Do I have a safe haven? I looked at the different airports around the world and I realized I didn't know the answer to those questions.

I picked Belgium because that is where my family is. It's back to my roots. Back to 'start' in the game of Monopoly that is life. But I'm not sure it still is 'home'. The last time I returned to Belgium it didn't feel like home anymore. I felt like a stranger. My friends and family have their own lives now. So much is going on that I don't know about. Maybe I've been gone for too long. They changed, I changed, life happened. Obviously their lives didn't end when I left for Cardiff, that's normal. Why then do I feel so left behind when I was the one who left?

Too many decisions in my life have been because of boys. Studying abroad always was a dream of mine but I never truly dared to do it because I didn't want to leave my life behind, the life that I knew and loved. I had an awesome life. I was a good student, I had a lot of friends and my weekends were full of parties. Fortune had smiled upon me and I was living life to the fullest. Then Tommy happened and running away seemed very appealing. It also was a bit dramatic, a tiny voice inside me says. Maybe I did do it to be dramatic. Maybe I did do it to show him what it's like to miss me. But in the end, it changed me. It changed me for the better as a person and it changed my life in so many ways that it's hard to even imagine. Tommy did miss me in the end but I had discovered the difference between a crush and love.

Then there was Cardiff. A place that will be in my heart forever. In Cardiff I fell in love. With a city, with a boy, with a future. But even in Cardiff, the place where I had been so happy, I tried to run away. Fleeing to Belgium however taught me that running away isn't the answer. I had matured and I had realized that facing problems is the better choice. So I went back to Cardiff and to Hero. Was that the right thing to do? Maybe. Maybe not. Before I left I was undoubtedly in love with Hero but after my return I truly loved him. There's no escaping from that. So why are you running now, Charlotte? This time it isn't about being dramatic or even about Hero. It honestly isn't. This time it's all about me. I simply had enough. I can't take it anymore. I need to take some time to heal and take back control over my life. And there's simply no way I can do that in the toxic environment I just escaped from. There's no way I can do that with Hero around. Staying would keep hurting me and him. Hero was right a year ago when he told me we can't be friends and that we were never just friends. We can't be around each other without hurting each other. Life with Hero was hard but life without him seems impossible.

I've already finished the small bottle of wine without even touching the tapas. I order a new one. The flight attendant looks at me in a disapproving way but I don't care. The insecurity of my future is driving me insane and the wine is calming me. I lay back and close my eyes. A sigh escapes my lips.

I can't help but wonder: am I running from something or am I running to something?