Lost in Blue

chapter twenty two

Dracos POV

"Now when we get home, do not say anything to your mother or Stella. Neither of them need to know about today" Lucius demands.

I nod as we enter the house. I can hear laughing from the kitchen and the smell of fresh pastries.

I walk behind my father in to the kitchen. I see Stella and my mother sitting at the table laughing while eating the pastries I smelt earlier.

I try and stay calm, but I feel my stomach twist. I turn around and run up to the bathroom attached to my room. I hover over the toilet but nothing comes up. I walk back to my bed and put my hands into my face.

The meeting at Borgins & Burkes keeps replaying over my head. I have to spend my term repairing a vanishing closet so I can let the death eaters enter the castle and then kill Dumbledore. As school gets closer the reality sets in more. I sob into my hands. I don't want to do this, why me.

"Draco" I hear Stellas soft voice at the door.

I feel her sit down beside me and out her hand on my shoulder. Her warm hand sends the comforting feeling down my body. I instantly feel guilt and regret. She doesn't deserve me. If she finds out what I have to do she'll hate me, she won't ever look at me again.

"Draco? Are you okay?"

I look up at the sweet girl in front of me, I see her lips turn into a frown when she looks into my eyes, "I'm fine"

"Draco, you're crying. What's wrong?"

I know stella and I know shes stubborn, she'll sit and push and push until she hears what she wants to hear .

"You won't understand"  I snap and stand up off the bed.

"Well help me understand" she says softly, so softly.

"Just leave me alone Stella" I groan. I feel the guilt rip through my entire body.

I lean against the dresser, keeping myself up. Trying to calm myself down before I vomit.

"I'm not going to leave you alone, you're upset" she scoffs.

"You don't know when to stop do you. I mean you sound completely pathetic right now" I argue back with her.

"I know you don't mean that Draco" I see her cross her arms in the mirror.

"I do mean it Stella. Leave me alone"

Please Stella, leave. I don't want you to know what I really am I think to myself

"Draco, stop pushing me away. I want to understand what is wrong" Stella says, standing up and walking over to me.

I turn around and look at her with no emotion. I don't want her to think I'm some nice guy when I'm a monster.

"You don't need to know what the fuck is going on in my life" I yell at her. "You think because I kissed you a few times and invited you to my house that I give enough of a shit about you to tell you my life story. That's not how it fucking works"

I see her eyes start to water, but she doesn't let the tears fall.

"Stop pushing me away Draco, it's not gonna work" she yells back at me.

"I don't fucking want you here, can't you see that" I scream. "Just pack your shit up and leave"

"You don't mean that" she whispers to me.

I know I don't mean it.

"Yes I fucking do, now leave. I don't want to see you. Get out" I lie.

She stares at me, I see her expression go from concerned to anger. She storms out of the room and I hear her bags unzip then her footsteps down the stairs.

I slide down onto the floor and put my face into my knees. The tears stream down and they don't stop.

I don't know how she has this power over me, to make me feel this way. But I feel as if I just ripped my own heart out and threw it away.

My bedroom door swings open. I look up and I see my mother standing in the door from.

"Draco, I know you are hurting. I know you had a long day, which we will talk about later, but do not let her leave" she rages at me.

"I can't have her around mum. I can't have her in this mess" I look at her teary eyed.

She sighs and walks over sitting beside me.

" I know darling" she comforts me, "I know"