pieces | ethma

Sweater Weather

Emma

We broke up in the summer. I never thought there'd be a cold day in July, but that day proved me wrong.

Although it was sunny and warm, it was still a cold day in my heart.

He always said that the day we broke up would be a cold day in July. I didn't think it would actually turn out to be possible.

It's September now. Football season, the start of the colder weather, and school. Fall used to be my favorite time of year, but not without Ethan.

If there's one thing I miss the most about Ethan, it's simply being able to spend time with him and tell him about my day. He'd tell me about his too, and we'd laugh about all the little things in life that frustrated us.

But now I walk home alone from school. I have my license and my own car, but sometimes it reminds me too much of those late Friday nights when we'd get fries from McDonald's and speed down the highway while blasting Tame Impala.

I haven't been to McDonald's since.

It was a rainy Thursday afternoon, and I was on my way home from school. This was normal for me now. I almost enjoyed walking in the rain.

It sure beats crying every time I sit in the driver's seat of my car.

I saw a car slow down while I was walking the sidewalk, and I didn't look. I had a feeling it was his car, and it was.

"Emma?"

I started walking faster.

The car started rolling at the pace I was walking. "Emma, wait."

I stopped, and looked through the car. It was pouring rain, and Ethan had his window down.

"Come on. Get in the car," he said.

"No."

"Emma, this is getting ridiculous. It's been raining for the past week, and I've seen you walk home every day. Get in the car."

But we haven't talked since July, and I don't know if I'm ready to face you yet.

I stood there, and Ethan stared at me with those damned hazel eyes until I finally gave in. It's like he was still trying to do what's best for me.

I got in the car and shut the door, and then Ethan rolled the window back up. Then he parked the car, and I closed my eyes, leaning my head against the seat.

"Are you gonna tell me what's going on?"

I knew this was gonna happen. I knew that he'd want to have a talk as soon as I climbed into the fucking car.

I couldn't even look at Ethan. I just stared out the front window. "Emma," Ethan said softly.

I turned to meet his eyes, feeling my heart slightly break even more.

"Why have you been walking to school?"

I looked down at my hands, which were folded in my lap.

"I um, I can't—-I can't get in my car."

"Huh?"

"I can't get in my car without crying. So I walk to school."

"Emma—"

"Ethan," I said, cutting him off. "you don't realize how hard this breakup has been on me. I just fucking miss us being in each other's lives," I said, a tear slipping from my eye.

"Me too." Ethan said. "I'm sorry we haven't talked."

"Yeah. I am too. I just hate not being able to tell you about my day, and I hate not hearing about yours."

"Why can't we?" Ethan asked. "If we both still wanna be in each other's lives, then why can't we?"

Another year ran down my face. "Because it's complicated."

"No it's not. It's only complicated if we make it that way. I'm sorry for the way it all went down, but can we just start on a fresh page?"

I sat there for a minute thinking about this summer. How much I hated being without Ethan, and how much I still hate it.

"Yeah. I guess we can start on a clean slate."

Ethan smiled. "This is the greatest news I've ever heard."

And that's how it all started again. We spent that whole afternoon together, of course driving around with our bag of McDonald's fries and blasting Tame Impala. We weren't back together, but we were on our way back to at least being best friends again.

We spent every day together after that, and in eventually realized that I didn't want him to be with anyone else.

Then I realized I needed to tell him how I felt. So, I did.

We dated for the rest of that year, but then we both got accepted at colleges across the country from one another.

I hope that after everything we've been through, this won't tear us apart.

I'm gonna try my hardest not to let distance get in the way.