pieces | ethma

The One That Got Away

Ethan

I still remember the biggest argument my twin brother Grayson and I ever had.

It was about Emma.

It wasn't over Emma. I'll be the first to make that clear. Grayson had no interest in her ever. She was like a sister to him, because Emma and I dated for three years.

But this argument Grayson and I had about her was a little while before my wedding, and I wasn't marrying Emma.

I was engaged to a different woman, Jackie, but Emma and I were still friends. Maybe even best friends. We hung out all the time, and Jackie didn't mind. Emma hung out with us with or without Jackie being there. Jackie trusted me, and I trusted myself around Emma.

Sure, there were some lingering feelings there. But Emma and I just weren't right for each other. We were better off being best friends, because we wouldn't have to lose each other.

Grayson kind of knew what was going on. He knew Emma's side to the story before anyone else did. He was the one Emma confided in about still being in love with me.

Which when you're the best man of your twin brother's wedding—that puts you in a tough position. Grayson and I don't keep secrets from each other, but Emma trusted him with her biggest one.

It was exactly three weeks before mine and Jackie's supposed wedding when Grayson and I were hanging out at his place. Jackie was with her sisters, having girl's night. So, I naturally went to my brother's place to hang out.

"Can I have an honest conversation with you?" Grayson asks, setting a fresh bottle of water in front of me before sipping on his own.

"Grayson, you're my twin. We can talk about anything."

"Before I say this, I wanna preface this with the fact that Jackie is incredible, and you're lucky to have her. However, I don't think she's your one."

"What? You're saying this now? Three weeks before my wedding? Really, Grayson? She's my wife. I'm marrying Jackie."

"Hear me out," Grayson says. "Come on, E. I'm your twin. You should trust me."

"There can't be one logical reason I shouldn't be marrying Jackie."

"I think you're still in love with Emma," Grayson says.

"Why would you think that?"

"Because, Ethan. She's your best friend. You dated for three years. There's no way you can still be this close with Emma and it's still innocent. It's been too long."

"If you truly deep down are okay with marrying Jackie, you wouldn't still be friends with Emma. It doesn't just go back to platonic after the break up, Ethan. Those feelings don't go away."

"In case you haven't noticed, I have a whole fucking fiancé, Grayson," I say, standing up as my voice raises a little.

Grayson huffs. "Ethan," he says. "I care about Emma just as much as you do. She's family. But there's no way you can live the rest of your life married to Jackie with Emma being around as much as she is. It just won't work. One will fall apart, and I don't think it would be yours and Emma's friendship."

"Why is this all coming up so suddenly? Did Emma say something to you?"

"That's Emma's business," Grayson says. "All I know is that there is far too much history between you two for you to still be friends with her and married to someone else. You're hurting both of them by doing this. And yourself."

"What are you saying?" I ask, shaking my head.

"I'm saying that you need to choose one or the other, because you can't go on like this, E."

"I can't believe we're even having this conversation right now."

"Yeah, me neither. How do you think I feel about this? You know how much I care about Emma. She's like my sister. On the other hand, Jackie's about to be my sister in-law. They're both amazing humans. But someone's getting hurt if you keep living like this."

"You're saying I need to choose?"

"Yeah."

"I can't."

"Are you saying you'd rather keep Emma as a friend than marry your fiancé?"

"I never said that," I say. "I just said I can't choose."

"If you truly want to marry Jackie, you would've picked her over Emma in a heartbeat."

"It's more complicated than that, Grayson. Emma's been in my life since I was nineteen. I've known her for eleven years now. She's been my best friend the entire time."

"Is Jackie your best friend too?" Grayson asks.

"She's my fiancé."

"Do you have the same conversations with her than you do Emma?"

"Fuck no. Jackie and I are a couple, Grayson. Of course we talk about different things than I talk about with my friend."

"But you tell Emma everything, don't you?"

"Not everything about Jackie and I. She doesn't need to know every detail. But Jackie knows everything about my friendship with Emma."

"Yeah, your friendship. Does she know you dated for a longer amount of time than you and Jackie have even been together for?"

"What's the point of telling her that? To hurt her feelings?"

"She doesn't know you and Emma dated?"

"Not exactly."

Grayson huffs. "If you can't be honest about it with Jackie, something's wrong, Ethan."

"I'm getting married in three weeks. I think Jackie and I are fine."

"Clearly not if you can't give up Emma for her."

"Emma's my best friend, Grayson."

"Exactly. Do you know any married guy that also has a girl best friend that isn't his wife, or is that because it doesn't work?"

"I don't even know what to say to you right now. I never thought my twin wouldn't support me getting married."

"I do support you getting married. I just want you to have a good marriage, E. Jackie's going to be your wife. Don't you wanna start your marriage with honesty? You shouldn't be getting married at least until she knows the truth about Emma."

-

That talk opened my eyes a lot. I turned around and walked out of Grayson's apartment. I felt like I was so angry at Grayson for bringing the whole thing up, but he was right. I needed to fix this situation, but I didn't know how.

I thought about it when our friend group went out for drinks and I realized Emma hasn't dated anyone since me, and she still stuck around to watch me get married to someone else.

Well, the wedding isn't actually until Friday, but still.

She's still my friend.

On the other hand, Jackie and I have done a lot of really cool things together. We've gone on some very cool vacations, and we've simply been through a lot since we met.

Since the wedding is this week, Jackie's been sleeping at her parents house. Apparently it's bad luck for us to sleep in the same bed during the wedding week.

All I can think about is that the superstition is stupid. I kind of feel personally doomed at the moment. Tomorrow I get married, but does that mean I'll lose my best friend in turn?

I don't know if I can get married tomorrow.