· Sugar ·||· Teruteru Hanamura X Reader ·

New Blood

(!!!!TW!!!! SELF H@RM!!!!)

Y/N POV:

I run back to my dorm and quickly get inside, slamming the door behind me. I lean my back on the door and let it all out.

My sobs are pretty loud, but I don't care. The rooms are soundproof anyways. I can't hold it back anymore.

Why am I crying so much? My brother is an ass to me on a daily basis. Why am I so sensitive now?

Why did something like this have to happen on the first day?! I knew this skirt would make me seem like a slut! Why didn't I wear shorts underneath?! I've just embarrassed myself infront of all the ultimates!!

My possible new friend is more of a prevert than I thought! He was probably just being nice so he can have sex with me!! He thinks I'm a slut too!!! That's why!!!

I start to scratch at my arms... No! I can't... Not again! I tried so hard last time.

I try to stop myself but I can't resist it any longer.

I gain the strength to kick of my boots and take off my apron. Tears are blurring my vision as I take my pocket knife from my handbag.

I promised that I would stop, but I can't bear it. I walk over to my bathroom sink and roll up my sweater's sleeves. A few cuts will be alright.

I glide the blade through my forearms, breaking my time of being clean. I wince a bit, but I'm pretty used to it by now. Blood starts rushing down as I start to turn on the faucet. I start to rinse the blood off of my arms. I bandage up my arms and turn off the faucet.

Exhausted and a bit light headed, I flop down onto my bed.

I did it. I actually did it. After being clean, I threw it all away over some embarrassing incident. I start to feel more hatred towards myself. There's better reasons to relapse than this. Why am I so pathetic?

I might as well get in my pajamas.. I get up and pull a night shirt out from my drawer. When I take off my skirt, I set it in the very far back of the drawer. I slip on the night shirt and take out my ponytail.

I lay back in bed and set my alarm for tomorrow. I cover myself in my blanket and close my eyes as I try to get some sleep. But all I can think about is Teruteru... My first possible friend that probably sees me as a slut now.

Maybe that was his impression of me from the very beginning. That's everyone's impression of me now. Ugh! I need to stop overthinking! Just let yourself sleep for once in your fucking life!

The bandage's texture keeps gripping on the sheet. It's extremely uncomfortable, but I'll be alright. It's only 8:54. I have all night to fall asleep.