Because I Don't Love You

Chapter 23

Mireille's POV:

Ang buong akala ko, natuturuan ang puso.. ngunit hindi pala. Kahit anong gawin ko, kahit gaano ako magpakatatag.. magpakatigas.. nagiging mahina pa rin ako pagdating sa kanya.

"Good, let's hear it then", Patrick smiled at me as he hold my hand in comfort.

I look at Patrick with sad and painful eyes. He squeezed my hand a little, wanting me to feel that he's here for me. Despite his craziness, he's a really great person and a loving friend.

With a heavy and uneasy heart, I told Patrick about Kalila. I told him how I fell in love with her back when we were still in High School, and how we drifted away from each other. And right now, kwinento ko rin sa kanya kung gaano ka-pursigido mapalapit si Kalila sa akin. I want her, but I also don't want her. I need her, but I also feel like I don't. I love her..

But somehow I feel like I don't. I shouldn't.

"I don't know, Patrick. It just feels.. weird, and not in a good way. I don't want her to get close to me.. I guess.", I said uneasily.

He placed his hand under his chin and studied me. Meanwhile, I kept my gaze on my lap.

"Where is all of this coming from, Mireille?", he asked softly. "I just can't seem to get a hold of it, you know. Your bestfriend's back. She apologized. Now, she wants to be friends with you again. Isn't that a good thing?", Patrick questioned.

I looked at him sadly. "I don't really know. Maybe it is.. but not for me."

He slowly nodded. "I think she's sincerely sorry for what she told you before. Based from what you said, pakiramdam ko hindi niya ginusto lahat ng nangyari sa inyo. I really think she's not aware of how much her words did affect you. She had a really hard time. And of course, you too. But don't use this next one against me.. okay?..", Patrick look at me uneasily.

I just nodded slowly as I wait for him to continue. "..It's supposed to get better, I guess. Naging malala at masakit nga ang naging sagutan niyo noon, but you know what made it more painful and difficult?... It's because you're in love with her..", he said sternly.

".. Her actions and words hurt you a lot more than it should because it was coming from the person that you love the most. At that time, she's the only thing that matters to you. Kaya mo nga kinaya na layuan siya.. na ipagtulakan siya palayo, dahil ayaw mong magpatuloy yung ganung klaseng behavior na meron siya nung mga panahong nagsagutan kayo, diba? You cared for her and thought about her so much. I commend you a lot for that..", he smiled a little.

"..Well, does she look okay now? Not like the controlling.. grumpy.. careless.. Kalila? I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to sound mean", he asked sincerely.

Saglit na nag-isip muna ako bago siya sagutin. She's been with Hazel all this time that I'm not with her. I think Hazel guided her a lot. Mukhang magkasundong-magkasundo naman sila. At parang wala na yung Kalila na nakasagutan ko noon.

"I think she's okay now..", I said softly. "Hazel must have helped her a lot", I glanced away.

He nodded and smiled. "Then, that's good. So what's with the cold treatment, Mireille?", he raised a brow. "Are you still having a hard time forgiving her? Or you're just so used to pushing her away that you keep on doing it now."

My eyes suddenly looked into him as we both looked at each other intently. I felt my heart raced a little fast as I look at him. Gusto ko siyang sagutin pero parang may nakabara sa lalamunan ko at hindi ako makapagsalita. Ngayon ako nakapagisip-isip kung ano nga ba talaga ang pinanggagalingan ng lahat ng nararamdaman ko.