Because I Don't Love You

Chapter 1

A couple of years ago...

Kalila's POV

"Hoy mahal! Bakit ba kasi ayaw mong lumipat sa company na nire-refer ko sayo? Eh underpaid ka diyan sa current company mo. I know you can do better. Ang laki kaya ng potential mo!", nilayo ko ng kaunti ang phone ko sa aking tenga habang pinapakinggan ang pagtaas ng boses ng bestfriend ko.

"Hazel..", I said her name with a sigh. "..Alam mo namang takot ako sa bagong environment. Maga-adjust nanaman ako, kikilala ng mga bagong tao. What if that place is not for me and I regret it?", sabi ko sa kabilang linya with a worried tone.

"Love, I know how you feel..", naging malumanay ang boses niya. "..It's just that you can't stay in that zone forever. That's what you say whenever I invite you to parties and such..", sinabi niya at saka bumuntong hininga.

"..You need to leave your comfort zone once in a while. Things may be difficult but you'll get through this. When you finally decide to do things, you won't notice that you already got the hang of it. Trust and believe in yourself", she said as her voice finally toned down.

I decided to suddenly change topic to ease the seriousness between us. "Wala ka pa bang jowa at hindi mo ko tinitigilan sa kaka-"Love", "mahal", na yan", I chuckled as I teased her.

She scoffed on the other line, "So what? It's still what your name means.." Well, may point naman siya. "..And shut up, bakit sakin bigla napunta ang usapan?", tanong niya nang may halong pagtataray.

I smiled faintly. Alam ko namang concerned lang sa akin ang bestfriend ko "Fine.. fine. I'll think about it, really. Ayoko namang masayang ang laway mo sa kakabigay ng advice sakin all these years. And I think I need to step up. Kailangan ko nang i-improve ang career life ko."

"Career life lang?" Hazel asked na parang may ibang pinaparating.

Of course, it's because I have been single this entire time.

She didn't wait for me to answer as she spoke again, "Magpahinga na tayo at parehas tayong may pasok bukas. Ayokong magmukhang haggard tomorrow..", she lightly chuckled.

"..Good night, Love. Restwell ha. Don't forget to pray", she said.

I smiled at her usual good night message. "Never ka namang naging mukhang haggard. Good night din. See you when I see you", I said and dropped the call right after.

Pinatong ko ang phone ko sa mesa at tumungo sa banyo para maghalf bath.

Several thoughts started to linger in my mind as soon as the water pour down on my body.

I was actually considering what Hazel said this time. Noon kasi, mabilis pa sa alas kwatro na 'hindi' ang sagot ko sa kanya.

But she's right. I should step out of my comfort zone.

Maliit lang kasi na kumpanya ang napasukan ko dahil right after kong grumaduate nagwork na ko kaagad.

Right now, I already got my license. Thankfully, nakapasa kaagad sa 1st take. And if my mom knew about the company I'm working at, she'll surely be displeased.

I quickly dressed into pajamas after taking a bath. I buried my face in a clean face towel while thinking things through.

I went in front of the mirror with a frown as I comb my straight, dark brown-colored hair that reaches my shoulders. I sighed as I stared in the mirror.

Pumikit ako saglit. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes with a determined look. I put my fist in my chest, stood straight and tried to act confident.

"Ughhh. No", I groaned as I slouched with my shoulders down.

Dahil trying hard ako maging determinado na magstep out at pumasok sa bagong company, papanindigan ko na lang.

Pabagsak akong umupo sa kama at kinuha ang laptop ko sa nearby table.

Tinignan ko ulit ng maigi ang details na nasa resume ko. Kahit ilang years pa lang ang nakakalipas after kong grumaduate, marami nang nadagdag na seminars and credentials dito.

"Maybe malaki talaga ang potential ko", sabi ko sa sarili ko habang inaalala ang mga sinabi ni Hazel kanina, kasabay din nito ang pagkaalala ko sa pang-aasar niya sa progress ng social life ko.

"Stupid love life", I mumbled to myself habang nakakunot ang noo at nakasimangot.

I felt my heart ache. Bakit ba ayaw tumanggap ng puso ko ng iba..? Bakit hindi ko magawang um-oo sa kahit sinong manliligaw..? Kahit subukan ko.. kahit pilitin ko ang isip ko.. hindi ko naman magawang ipagsang-ayon ang puso ko.

Laging parang may kakaiba.. laging parang may mali.

Meron ka kasing ibang inaasam.. bulong ng isipan ko.

Napasabunot ako sa buhok ko. No no no.. it will never happen.

Nakaramdam ako ng lungkot nang muli nanamang pumasok sa isipan ko ang isang natatanging tao.

If other people fell for their bestfriend.. their childhood friend.. or their long-time happy crush.

I fell for a person in the worst time possible..

I realized that I liked her.. the moment that she became my ex.. bestfriend.

Yes.. I fell for a person who used to be my bestfriend. Huli na nang mapagtanto ko ito. She already stormed out of my life. Huling beses na nagkausap kami ay punong-puno ng inis, lungkot, at galit ang mga mata niya.

And yes, she's a SHE.

I sighed. Napapikit ako ng mariin. Tatamaan na lang talaga ako, at sa kapwa babae ko pa. Alam ko namang walang mali rito. Pero hindi ko lang talaga inaakala na darating ako sa ganitong punto.

It doesn't matter.. I know that she hates me..

and hindi ko rin naman siya makikita.

It's been years since we last talked..

I don't think na magkikita pa kami ulit..

I was lost in my thoughts as I noticed something in my resume, "Ay. Di ko pa pala naaayos ang full name ko." I smiled as I typed the abbreviation that completes my name.

"Kalila Vienn P. Cortez, CPA"