Wake Me Up Inside, Bring Me Back to Life. (Frerard Fanfiction)

Chapter 18~

~Few weeks later~

Gerard's POV

We were walking down the hallway and legit holding hands, though I don't feel calm or at ease at all. Everyone's staring, commenting, and laughing at us, I'm trying not to care with every part of me but I just can't. It hurts because I know it's something I can't change, being gay and all. These past few days were supposed to be amazing and wonderful, everything that I had ever hoped for, but they were sure a great fucking disappointment.

Due to the fact insecurity is eating me alive, I have a psycho ex boyfriend on my fucking tracks, and I still am harming myself. That last thing Frankie dosen't know about, I was supposed to stop after I went to the hospital but I didn't. It gives me releif, makes me less afraid and caught up in everything for a breif moment, the blood is almost relaxing. I did it on my thighs because Frankie sees my arms every day and I  don't want him to know yet or ever actually.

But next time we have sex it's going to fucking be disaster on my fucking poor little pathetic heart that can't take this, I just want to scream that I'm not okay but I can't. Frankie is to happy for that shit, I can't fuck that uo because seeing him upset makes me even more upset for being the cause because I really do love him.                                                                                    

We're looking for Mikey and Ray, I haven't seen hem both in like forever. Where are they? FUCK, WHERE ARE THEY? "Maybe they're sick." Frankie suggested, no that's bull shit they aren't sick I would know if they were and this wouldn't be an issue now would it Frankie. "No that can't be what's up because Mikey would have texted me and we haven't seen them in a damn week, I'm getting worried as fuck."

"Gerard, they are fine, trust me. They are at school, they just aren't talking to us, don't worry." he says and I simply reply, "You're probably right." Even though I don't agree I'm not fucking up. He brushes my hair out of my face and kisses my forehead softly, I smile. Don't do that Frankie, you're making me happy when I don't deserve to be happy, knock it off.

-

I heard the lunch bell ring, grabbed my shit, and walked out at normal speed. I wasn't in the mood to put another smile on my face just yet so I didn't hurry. I walk up beside gee and see Ray and Mikey, the two fuckers I have been literally dying to see for an entire week now. "HEY RAY! HEY MIKEY, WHERE'VE YOU BITCHES BEEN?!" I yell and smile again, it wasn't real for the fact I was pissed because they made me have seperation anxiety the whole fucking week aswell.

"Uh...here...there...you know, no actually I have been straightening out shit with Ray. Our friendship and personal shit."  I swallowed my heart down back where it was supposed to be, they're lying to me. We never kept personal shit, it was always open...why? I looked at Frankie and said, "Personal shit? What kind of personal shit?"

Frankie just starts giggling to hell, what the fuck is he on? Can I fucking have some, please? Him and Mikey then walk to the side of the school building, well okay thanks for not saying bye or anything.

"So what's really up?" I ask, sitting next to Ray. "Nothing man, don't worry about it." he lies and looks down at the ground. Would they stop lying to me? I'm starting to hate my ability to tell when someone is lying to me, why can't I be like a fucking gullible bitch like everyone else? Because I'm to fucking horrible to deserve jsut that, aren't I? To horrible to know what's really going on around me.

"Oh, okay don't tell me the truth. But I'm not stupid and you know that Ray, I'll be right back. Tell Frankie to wait." I say, rushing to the bathroom and locking myself in a stall. I feel around for the razor blade in my pocket, I grab it and put it to my wrist. Carving the word, "lies" why does it have to be this way? I'm lying like i'm happy and my only fucking friends are lying to me, like fuck. What'd I do wrong God, do you hate me or something?