[ haikyuu one shots || fan fics ]

hold on. || kozume kenma

[ kozume kenma x reader ] || angst

gravity is matter's response to loneliness, you thought to yourself as you noticed each step away from school became heavier for some reason. earth must've been pretty lonely at this time of day as it pulled the sun down into its horizon, casting a palette of oranges, pinks, and blues in its sky. you took a moment and appreciated the result. you thought about how kenma would make a comment on how this could be a cool background for a video game and smiled softly to yourself.

"y/n!!" kuroo yelled as he caught sight of you.

you turned as he took a hold of your arm, curious as to why he was frantically running around the schoolyard instead of at practice. "kuroo?" your curiosity peaked when you saw the rest of the team running around too.

"have you seen kenma?" he asked you, gripping your arm tighter.

you flinched at his grasp, but shook your head. "no, why?" you asked, glancing at your phone. a picture of kenma pouting as you squeezed his cheeks flashed in sight as you clicked the power button to check the time. "I mean it's not out of the ordinary for him to skip practice..."

"yeah... but don't you think... he's been acting weird lately?" his eyes scanned the area around us, never meeting your own. his restlessness started to make you worry as thoughts ran through your mind.

"you're right.. he has been acting weird lately..." you raised your hand, typing in the number you memorized by heart. you slowly looked around the schoolyard, thinking back to how he walked around with a little more uneasiness than usual lately.

he watched you for a moment before telling you that he's going to continue looking. "call me if you find him."

you nodded and waited for that soft, anxious voice to pick up. it never did. a shiver ran down your body as your eyes landed on the date. "fuck..." you had an idea as to where he would be and the thought of it being true made your blood run cold. you continued to call his phone in hopes that you were wrong and that he was just at home, playing video games but he never answered. you remembered the way he just walked away as you noticed him while talking to kuroo earlier between classes. by the looks of it, it seemed like he was avoiding the both of you. you didn't think much of it at the time and brushed it off as him being annoyed by kuroo for something.

your feet carried you as fast as they could up the stairs that he took a year ago. the sun setting casted pretty hues that shone through the windows that you pass by. but you couldn't stop and admire what the world had to offer anymore... not when it was going to take someone precious to you away. you pushed open the door with all your might, hearing it slam open. you didn't waste a second and screamed out his name. "KENMA!!!" your chest heaved from all the running, you were out of breath... but you didn't stop. you couldn't. "KENMA!! DON'T DO IT!!" you stared at his back as he stood on the ledge.

his body tensed at your sudden appearance. he turned his head slightly, the setting sun casting a shadow over the side closest to you. "y/n..."

one year later, here you were again... only in different spots. this is where you met. this is where he saved you.

"d-don't do it!!" tears pricked in the corners of your eyes, threatening to pour rivers down your flushed face. you took a deep breath and clutched your chest. you belted out your feelings for him. "I L-LOVE YOU!! PLEASE!! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!!" you repeated yourself, bowing slightly as you poured your unsaid feelings out. once your lungs couldn't take it any longer, you took another breath in as you looked up at him with tears unwillingly streaming down your face. "d-don't..."

"y/n." he made a step to turn to face you. a step too quick. a step that made him slip. a step that made time feel like it slowed down.

you screamed your heart out as you ran as fast as you could. you slid down onto the ledge, reaching over just in time to catch his hand. you gripped his hand as if your life depended on it. his life depended on it. "k-kenma!! it's okay, i got you!!" the only thing keeping you both up is your grip on the rooftop fence.

fear swirled in his cat like eyes as he stared back up at you. his hand held onto yours tightly, silently telling you that he didn't want to let go. "I thought you and kuroo liked each other..."

you tried to pull him up, but you didn't have enough strength. "kenma, you're the one I wanted this whole time!! hold on, i'm here!" you begged as you felt yourself slide against the rooftop a bit. you spotted kuroo on the ground and called out his name. he looked up at the both of you, his eyes widening at the sight, before bolting back into the building to get up to you.

he blinked, watching you silently... suddenly the fear was gone. "y/n... i lo-"

"D-DON'T!!" you cried, trying to hold on tighter. "tell me when you're up here with me!! PLEASE!! hold on!! I still need you!!" you couldn't help yourself. "please don't leave me!! you saved me, let me save you!! let me be yours, i want to be yours!! i still need you!! i still need you..."

"... you never needed me..."

"YES!! YES I DO!! I wouldn't still be here without you!! just hold on!! kuroo's almost here!! please don't leave me!!" your arms were screaming in pain; they felt as if they were being torn out of their sockets. you weren't sure how long your body could take it as you silently prayed to whoever was listening that kuroo would make it in time. his slim body seemed heavier than it usually was. maybe earth was pulling him down in hopes to sooth its loneliness... it didn't care if it left you feeling lonely... how selfish.

his face softened as your pleads continued. "it'll be okay... i won't leave you alone..." his lips curved up into a loving smile as he gazed up at you. "you'll be okay..."

you felt his grip slowly loosen until he finally let go of you. your screams echoed into the turning sky as you tried to hold onto him tighter. without his support, you felt him start to slip from your grasp faster. "KENMA!!" you begged and begged, letting go of the fence and gripping his hand with both of yours in hopes to steady your hold on him.

he stared at you with love in his eyes. he offered you a comforting smile. "please don't look at me like that, i want to see your smile once more."

"DON'T TALK LIKE THAT!! YOU'LL BE ABLE TO SEE MY SMILE EVERYDAY. J-JUST TAKE MY HAND!! PLEASE!!"

"hey y/n... i love you, it'll be okay.."

with each second that passed, he continued to slip from your grasp until you couldn't feel his hand in yours anymore. the feeling of losing your voice didn't stop you from screaming out his name as you reached down to try and catch him again. you felt a pair of strong arms take hold of you before you fall yourself. you struggled against him as you begged and pleaded that this wasn't happening.

kuroo pulled you back onto the roof and held you in his arms. "it's too late now..."

you screamed and cried out kenma's name, pounding your fists onto his chest. your screams of despair were carried away by the wind. his loving smile flashed into your mind, imprinting itself as the last time you'll ever see him alive.

gravity is matter's response to loneliness, it didn't care if it left you feeling lonely. how selfish...

come back... i still need you...

[ originally posted: september 30, 2020 ]