COLOR ME PROPER

CMP_017

ARDOUR

'' What's got you grinning over there?''

His cousin James asked as he walked into his office.

'' Amara_ saw her this morning when I took the twins over to her. She looked good, had me reminiscing on the time before shit hit the fan."

" Must have been great if you're smiling like that."

"....We used to have such good times and she was my escape away from reality. She made me feel like a man, like I mattered and that I was loved. You know those feelings you get when you're just falling inlove."

" Yet you ended it."

" I know and I miss her but -''

'' You cannot leave your wife.''

'' I know __"

He paused

"Akilah and I haven't had the perfect relationship but who has. The thing is, she's been there."

"I honestly don't understand your loyalty to this woman-''

'' James don't! I am the cause of most of our relationship problems with me being away all the time. She lost two children because of me. She deserves more than I've been giving her. I made things worse by cheating on her with Amara. Nobody's perfect.''

'' Whatever man but you know how I feel about her especially after that shit that went down with Isaac.''

'' I know and I understand your point but you don't know her like I do. I mean a lot of women would have not stuck by my side that long, being broke and patiently waited_, understanding when I could not afford to make her a wife. She deserves more and eventually I will get over Amara.''

'' It's your life and your decision to make but don't you think that their mother deserves the same kind of commitment you're giving to your wife. I mean you gave her two kids. Not many men will be knocking down her door to date her after this.''

'' You make it sound like I ruined her. A lot of women find love after kids and I am sure she will someday too.''

His mouth said but in all honesty I was not ready to see Amara date or some other idiot try to be a father to my kids. That's my family. I did not like that she was going on dates as it is.

'' It's not easy for women as it is for us men. They have to risk their children safety at times. Do you know how many pedophiles are out there waiting to pounce on these poor women just to touch kids. If she's lucky and finds a good man it's not always guaranteed that he will love her children. I'm not trying to scare you but it ain't easy out here for single moms.'

He heard what he was saying but there was nothing much I could do about it. Although he cheated and kept secrets but he never wanted this for anyone. It's selfish yes but it's true and I hope one day my children will understand, he thought.

'' I never wanted such a situation and for a moment I thought I had it all figured out-"

" That's a bullshit statement and you know it."

" James it's not that simple. I wish I could make them both happy but I can't."

He did and he really struggled with his decision everyday. He loved Amara but Akilah deserved his loyalty.