Masochistic Sonder | 𝐻𝒮 | Harry Styles

Chapter Five: You Cry Too Damn Much

Chapter Five: "You Cry Too Damn Much"

IT CAME BACK AGAIN, I had expected it, it was closer than ever and I knew I had unintentionally called out for it.

The dark skies above my head cracked open and I looked at them, my heart was palpitating so fast that I could even hear it in my ears, it was just like my morning alarm: loud and clear.

It came running at me, it moved as fast as a car and my breath echoed as loud as the rain droplets that suddenly started falling down.
Was this the nightmare I hadn't had for  years now? I had committed a sin and porpusly condemned myself to that endless amount of pain: where I would loose my feeling just to live through the whole process of unbearable grief.

It grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me in closer, it's soul came out of its being and it screamed in my face loud, louder than usual, I was scared, I felt a wall of humiliation fall on me and my body was so weak to hold onto it.

I had woken up from my dream and I sat on my bed, with my shivering bands on my chest I couldn't even feel my feet, they were cold as ice even though my bedroom's heater was on.
I tried to squint my eyes through the darkness and at the same time I tried to breathe in sync with the ticking of the rain outside.

I then remembered Bastet was asleep by my side. I could hear I had disturbed her by the quite whimpers; I relaxed back down on the bed and wrapped my arms around her.
I sang to her a lullaby, I knew she wasn't a kid anymore but I needed her to know I was good enough to talk, my voice was cracking up as I wasn't used to singing in the morning.
I held her in my arms, just to hide the fact that I needed her comfort, more than anything else in the world and not that I needed hers.

I swallowed back the tears, they behaved and I was so grateful they did, because the last thing I needed to have was me crying without being able to stop myself and Bastet confusedly trying to calm me down.

Then the reliving silence came back.

I heard a loud unexpected thunder and it collected me in its darkness, my hands started to shake so much, I had to let go of Bastet's fragile body now put to sleep; Renenutet held me in her arms and dragged me from Ammit hands even though she had a strong grip on me, it was so tight it was starting to hurt.
The loud bang from outside sounded close enough to catch my attention, I slowly got out of the satin sheets and walked towards my window, the soft and gentle material of my carpet kissed my bare feet giving them a warm welcome.

"Who's there?" I asked the nothingness before me expecting it to answer back, I was so nervous I had asked that question even before I opened the doors.

My hand started to search through the darkness that was lightly lit up by the feeble light of the moon outside, I felt the icy cold of the handle and brought it down pulling it towards me.

There it was, that being, it graciously laid in front of me and the ticking of the rain hitting on the grey tiles of my balcony played loudly in the background.
As I slowly squinted my eyes trying to look through the dark, the rain gently tickled against my face because anything could have happened, it must have been the endless clock of the world they must have counted every second and minute that passed by. If I knew morse code I'd know the rain would be telling me to stay as far away.

I suddenly awakened and crashed onto the floor, my knees were uncovered and they created friction on the cold and wet tiles, I brought the being into my arms; Hathor from behind gently played with my hair and I sighed in relief.

"Halcyon," I whispered breathlessly, like I was casting a spell on him, likens if I was manifesting for the being to find serendipity through what it was going through. It definitely felt like it needed me, like I was the only thing it needed to be saved by.

"Halcyon," I whispered once again and there was only left petrichor after the rain, it was exactly what Greek gods carried in their veins and just at the thought of it drove me mad.
I rocked it's body in my arms and gripped on his arm like I was scared to let the being go.

"Minerva, lights on," I said with confidence.
I moved my braids out of my face and then the lights of my balcony gently turned on.
"You're going to be okay, you're safe," I said out of breath and looked down.

I couldn't believe it.
The first thing my eyes fell upon were the huge wings at the being's back, they were as white as snow even if they were soaked with the blood of Greek gods and they smelled angelically pleasing, I finally started to feel the heat they emanated, everything about them left me shocked. I was, I had never seen anything like that in my life before and that made me even more eager to feel them under my touch even though I was unsure my touch would unpurify them but how couldn't I?
They felt unbelievably soft.

I gasped once I noticed the being I was holding between my arms was someone that looked exactly like Seth: Harry's younger brother. His features seemed to be boundlessly beautiful: his hair was as curly as Harry's, plumped rosey lips, sculpted face and rosy cheeks and with long lashes that drew long shadows above his cheeks.

"You cry way too damn much," he mumbled and it was barely hearable, I pulled my eyebrow together and leaned forward.
"I said you cry too damn much!" He barked and the doors behind me shut close, I panicked at the sight of his wings spreading wide open.

That day I knew exactly what fear was.
I had never felt fear pass through my veins, nor be physically part of me, I was so mortified I couldn't even bring my eyes down to his sculpted bronze chest nor his broad shoulders.

In a nick of time, his hands were wrapped around my neck and I was looking up to him with a surprised look on my face; his hand felt so warm against my skin and his fingertips made pressure directly on the veins in my neck.

"It must be you," he whispered as his angry expression turned gentler, his thick eyebrows relaxed and he had a pleading look on his face. I slowly looked down to the fabric of his skin and it seemed to be glowing.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I struggled to say; I brought my gaze back into his and swallowed hard, I could have asked who am I to act like I had briefly forgotten who I really was just to get him to remind me of the person he thought I was, that I never knew.

Instead I acted like I didn't know anything and I really wished it worked.

a/n - please remember to vote and give feedback if you enjoyed. I'll be updating soon :) -JS