Masochistic Sonder | 𝐻𝒮 | Harry Styles

Chapter Sixteen: Resilienza

Chapter Sixteen: "Resilienza"

RESILIENCE IS THE process of adapting in the face of any possible type of adversity: trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress: family and relationship problems and serious health problems.

I had to build a wall, I had to act like everything couldn't have been any better since William left, just like he hadn't disappeared in the first place, no matter how much effort I put into being resilient, my arms still felt empty.

Harry never came to visit, I had never invited him in the first place, I lied to Bastet.
Bastet spent only one night at my place after she came back from partying with Luke, we spent the night talking about Luke, she told me the school he went to and I recalled knowing a guy in my school called Luke and I knew exactly it was that Hemmings, a close family friend.
I was surprised I didn't recognise him when we practically grew together, he was- by what I scarcely remembered- my closest of friends, we would sit close to each other in every class possible.

After that Luke passed by and he decided to go on a mini trip with Bastet, right after I kindly refrained and refused to follow them, I was way too occupied with my work and to add on I just hated going outside.
Before that I spent a lot of time with Bastet and Luke, they both were so kind to me but Hemmings way too much, he would often flirt, comment about my looks and call me his girlfriend in a jokingly manner, I didn't like it. After that, as I said, they decided to go on their little trip.

I hated how it had become during those days, every day seemed to be slipping away from my grip, I'd wake up early and work and go to bed late and while in bed I'd type on my phone or in my laptop, just because I constantly felt like time was ending.

I had to have as many things completed and I slowly started to miss William, he didn't show up like he always did just to ask me what did I feel and while we argued I'd believe time was endless, I had those moments to settle my heart to rest and now he wasn't there.

♡

I never really understood why specifically Luke Hemmings would get so involved with my childhood and his family with mine, to then disappear once we had nearly fully grown up and do activities I was completely unaware of.

"What a small world we live in," I laughed.

Luke sat on the other side of the couch, he wore elegant clothes but not too casual and Bastet sat on another couch at my right, wearing her usual black school like socks, a white satin shirt and a white and grey skirt I bought for her.

Luke looked at me with the same flirty manner and I kept a fake smile on my lips, it was tiring. His hated the mental grip he had on me and it was just making it awkward for Bastet.

"Since it's long I haven't seen you, I told my parents and they already want to meet you."

"What?" I asked annoyed.
"I know it's been long Luke, but it just doesn't work like that, you disappeared for more over than fifteen years, we meet through Bastet and you want me to meet your parents, it's clear you don't understand that there definitely won't be no or nowhere close to the chemistry I had with them," I explained myself in frustration and stood up from the couch facing him.

I wasn't really mad at him, I was scared.

I knew Bastet would have gone back to her place, she had to work on a new series they were filming and she was the protagonist, she couldn't have just left her five years job for me, just for a miserable dinner with Luke's parents and I knew she didn't want to know Luke to that level.

I was scared because it wasn't something I could have just said no to, it was something inevitable at that moment if I said no then what would have happened?

"Solo per domani," he said with begging eyes, I looked at glanced at him and squinted my eyes to have a clearer look of his face to see if he meant it, only for tomorrow, I felt a rush of anger flow through my body.

"Qualunque giorno, ma dovevi per forza scegliere domani?" Any day but he had to by force choose the day after?

"Ti ammazzo!" I barked, I would have killed him, I didn't know him enough like when we were little, he had changed so much that at first he looked like a complete stranger to me.

"Guys, it's kind of offensive, when you speak Italian and I'm just sitting here confused, you could have kept this conversation for when I wouldn't have been here," whispered Bastet.

"Sorry, it's nothing that important."
"How about we go back to my bedroom so you can work on your play?" I asked and she smiled more relaxed.

Bastet slowly stood up from the couch, dragging one leg after the other from underneath the weight of her body, she walked towards me and once she stepped closer she smiled and locked her arm around mine.

I knew she was sort of shocked by my reaction and me speaking Italian in a threatening way just wasn't helping the situation, it didn't make it any better.

She wasn't used to seeing that side of me, all she knew about me was: from the beginning the crybaby who would cry for a split second and try their best to act like nothing happened and a more modern version of myself, who just acted straight away that everything was okay and filled her body with sorrow. It was all new and sudden to her.

"Tu puoi stare qui a riflettere sulle tue decisioni," I said turning back to Luke, he could have stayed there to reflect on his decisions, Luke looked at me surprised like he wasn't used to being bossed around and that just made me frown even more.

Once I entered the bedroom, Bastet was already sitting on my bed, talking to herself, repeating the words assigned for her to try to remember and I was surprised, she fairly remembered a good amount; I walked towards my bathroom and stood in front of the mirror with my hands gripping onto the white marble of the sink.

I now had to think about what to wear.

I hated it, I could already feel my throat dry up with fear and I couldn't think straight, I took in a long deep breath and a closed my eyes to then release it.

I would have tried to look my best, my integrity.