Masochistic Sonder | 𝐻𝒮 | Harry Styles

Chapter Ten: Sleeping At Last

Chapter Ten: "Sleeping At Last"

I KNEW SOMETHING ABOUT EXISTING, it was relying on everything since the day we're born, what to believe in, what to do, what to say, the right people to stay with and who to trust.

We're taught that trust plays a big role in people's safety and consent, we're taught that believing in a certain person, is the literal definition of trusting the right person, which leads to making the right choices, most of the time. Trusting means not questioning. Once you question, it gets described as being disrespectful but nobody has asked themselves, why are they getting manipulated, not to do something that's supposed to come naturally to a human mind.

People have strong beliefs and no matter how much evidence is given to them they seem to not want to accept it. It's obvious!
Evidence is a disrespect.
Let's be serious, it makes them speechless for a while as they try to think about a fast way to bark against your statement, that certain phase is called cognitive dissonance. They are not used to all that new, unfamiliar information,

Two things can be done.
A person can either break that, the statement that I need to believe and trust only to this person and his words, till the point they become consistent to the new information that goes against their belief and they naturally start researching their own.
On the other hand, a person can decide to leave and forget about convincing them to have an open mind, letting the other person continue to rationalise and ignore anything against their base belief.

"What about today do you feel anything?" William asked, looking down on me.

He would always ask me the same question right after my repetitive days at work: sitting down on a desk trying to think of something to write and I couldn't, I'd instead translate people's work from Italian to English.

I was sitting on the soft welcoming cream coloured carpet and my back leaned against my bed. He had made himself so comfortable at my house, that he sat at my desk, not even Bastet dared to. He would often spin on my chair with my pencil in between his manly hands.

I didn't answer his question.
Instead, I stared at his hair, now blonde and slightly polished because of the moist outside, it had rained that day.

"You just live your life," he assumed.

"Believe me, I've tried to live it, I really did and now I'm tired of it, I'm tired of acting like I don't even question why I wake up in the morning, I planned on worse at this age but now I can't give my life to waste," I said looking up to my ceiling.
It felt like it was raining inside but it wasn't, my room felt miserable and I went along with the mood the weather, that he had dragged inside, was setting.

"What if you had a reason to live?" He asked.

"I think I'm pretty good to go, I don't need a therapist," I said with an annoyed expression painted on my face and then I tried to stand up, gripping onto the side of my bed.
Something behind me suddenly fell onto the floor and the wings of the being, at my right, suddenly opened wide. I stumbled and fell onto the floor but I held both of my hands onto the side of the bed and as I slowly sat down I looked up to him.

"Are you okay?" I asked furrowing my eyebrows together and squinting my eyes to read his expression.
"Please, never do that again," I said and then took a deep breath.

"Yes I'm fine," he calmly said.
"What exactly?" He added.

"To suddenly open your wings," I asked.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, unconditional reflex, I could look scared but in reality, my face tells it all, I'm not and they say otherwise," he said and laughed right after, I looked at him with a sort of smile on my lips surprised at how Lorenzo was even in my bedroom.
"Just to add on, I'm not an angel if that's what you depict when you see these, " he said, raising his shoulder. He gently passed his fingers through his thick blonde hair and they gradually turned darker.

I immediately thought of how he went back to looking like an exact copy of Harry's brother, Seth. I had a deep feeling he was lying to me about everything and I asked myself if I could trust him at that moment.

"Then what are you?" I asked.
He had broken my trust. I didn't tell him because it was clear he didn't like people that jumped too quickly to conclusion; even if I questioned only one thing, that just meant I'd have found it hard to believe the words that came out of his lips.

"First, what are angels?" He asked.
"Angels exist in higher vibrations than life on Earth, they vibrate in complete oneness with the Divine, and they live outside of any religion, dogma, or perceived separation; you haven't been doing your research, have you?" He poured another question to me with a flirtatious look on his face, the corners of his mouth pulled upwards into a grin, I hated the embarrassment.
"I question how you can see me?"

"They are one with Source and they serve to carry out Divine will for all existence, so you might be one, rather than also trying to be my therapist," that's all I knew and I said it, I spoke my truth, the one I knew, his grin turned into a smile, he smiled at me surprised and I smiled back.

"Right."
"Angels are energy meaning so their appearance is not static but if you wanted me to turn into something you'd call an angel I'd, I would often take on that specific form so that you will easily recognise me," he said and for a moment I saw Harry through him, my heart skipped a beat and when he noticed my constant look on him, he made a face.

"In brief words, I'm questioning what I am, so please let's not jump to a conclusion," he said, looking away, he had just proven an assumption that I made of him to be true.

"You don't need them, do you?" I was not surprised and crossed my arms, looking towards him, he didn't respond. It was like he was searching for the right words to use against my statement. I quietly stood up and walked towards him and stood a few feet away from him, I tilted my head and looked at him, the fresh breeze made its way through in my bedroom, through the slightly open glass door.

He finally glanced my way and I held my breath as he let go of his, in a frustrated sigh, he graciously stood up from my chair and peeped at me, his reddish lips slightly unlocked ready to speak.
"I might not need them, I might do but it doesn't matter, does it?" He asked me, he sounded sarcastic and the embarrassment slashed me into uncollectible pieces.
"I have to lower my frequencies just so that you could see me, as your vibrations are neutral, no pain to happiness, ridiculous!" He said as he walked closer towards me with his index pointed towards me, he sounded extremely annoyed.

Then in a matter of seconds, I blinked and there he wasn't! Loneliness chased me, she came back running into my room and I run towards my phone that was on top of the desk where William sat by and quickly put on some music.
I breathed in and convinced myself that it was okay to feel this way, that it wasn't the first time anyone had left me and that nothing should have been forced to stay if it didn't.