Masochistic Sonder | 𝐻𝒮 | Harry Styles

Chapter Fifteen: Mine Own Eyes

Chapter Fifteen: "Mine Own Eyes"

IT'S ALL IN THE EYES, the real emotions are hidden in a person's eyes, they never lie, they confess through a sinner lie, they plaster all over their fake persona.

"William," I murmured, my tears had long dried up.
That persona didn't feel like his true self, it wasn't him, I should have known better and if I did, none of that would have been happening.
I must have done something wrong, once again, I had shooked his nerves and brought his consciousness to anger and I question if I could ever be forgiven.

It just took a matter of seconds for William to exhibit and to feel pain, he let go of a scream as I hardly clenched onto mine.
I lunged out from my bed and I could barely stand up, my feet felt like trees branches, weak but strong enough to not break by the wind, they trembled.

"I must have angered the gods," he whispered.

They came back, my anxiety and his pain, they both mixed well together and played in the quiet of my bedroom; he took violent steps backwards and his hair covered his hurting expressions, his hands gripped onto his shirt, the satin fabric of it moulded in his hands.

His fingertips were a slight tint of brick red, they contrasted with his pale hands. With back-arching, he slowly fell to the ground and as he did, I run over to him and collected his wings gently easing them upwards so that he wouldn't have had to use twice as much of effort to move them aside and not sit on them causing him to hurt himself even more.
I had never been so close to them.
They were white, feathery and luminous, they didn't feel like they were made of matter, it was like there wasn't a single atom in them, which gave them a sense of outer-worldliness.

I wrapped my shivering hands around his waist.
"Isis," he called out my second name, sounding out of breath and I smiled leaning my head onto his.
I shushed him and mumbled a song in French I hardly knew the lyrics but every time I heard it always brought me a sense of calmness and serenity.
I brushed my hands across his arms, feeling his unnaturally soft skin on my fingertips, as I brought them closer to his hands, I said: "this might not work with you but trust me, it won't hurt to give it a try," I collect his hands into mine and rubbed them.
"Our hands control our body, they could take a specific aspect of the universe according to the position; with the tip of our fingers we can control and relax part of our body, let me show you."

"The Prana mudra activates the dormant energy within the body, to activate it you'll need to place the tips of your thumbs together: the ring finger, and little finger together; it symbolises the vital energy of prana, encouraging the flow of energy, making you feel energized and strong," I whispered leaning closer to his left ear, I could hear his breath, which was previously uncontrollable, more lenient.
"I hope it made you feel better but I can't think straight because I'm really scared," I spoke, I was saying the truth, as much as I hated it I had to, so he knew that he wasn't alone.

"William?"
He didn't answer my call, he was way too suspiciously quiet, his fingers were in the position I had shown him and he was still breathing.
I thought William needed a moment of silence so I gave him that moment of tranquillity, my head still laid on his. I slowly dragged my head down to his back as I arched mine with my knees digging into the floor, my arms wrapped around his little waist.
His wings felt so delicate on my face, I could have fallen asleep any moment soon, it was as if time had stopped.

Bastet must have been talking to Luke since it was long she hadn't seen him.
They must have forgotten about me, at the thought of that my arms wrapped tighter around William's waist like he could have left any moment, just like everyone did in the end.

"Please don't be sadden," He whispered.

"I am not, what are you saying?" I asked, I giggled and wiped away my tears but one of my arm still wrapped around his waist. It felt like the first time I met him, scared for him to disappear.

"I need them for later," he added, sounding like he was heartbroken and that made me instinctively say sorry to him.

"Are you leaving William, you too, are you running away from me, my angel, leaving me to the weight of my worthlessness?" I asked, smothering my face all over his back, I felt it, the heaviness of my fear scratching against my back and the unbreathable sense of loneliness, they all came rushing in like a river in open sight, ready to flood me.

I tried, I really did.
When I went leaned in to wrap my other arm around his waist, he disappeared and tears did nothing else but rush down my face like poison and they burn like acid against my skin, he did leave me, he must have hated an unwinged being like me.

I slowly stood up, alone, then dried my tiers practising fake smiles and my bedroom door suddenly opened.
"I and Hemmings are going out to party!" She shouted, she saw the sadness in my eyes and that made her force a funny face I laughed, a fake laugh and she kindly smile to my efforts.
"Go, why are you still waiting, go have fun, not too much though, I'm having Mr Styles come over this afternoon," I said with a smirk, then gestured her to leave my bedroom.
"I'll be spending the night here, when I come don't say I didn't warn, bye mommy," she sarcastically said and then proceeded to add: "wait, I'm going to need these," she laughed picking up my house keys, that laid on the glass table next to my bed, she then left shutting the bedroom door behind her.

It was my time to make a show, with all the spotlight pointed towards me, I cried harsh tears and they poured everywhere colouring my room black and stigma, the spectacle had just started.