Masochistic Sonder | 𝐻𝒮 | Harry Styles

Chapter Twenty Three: I'm Imported

Chapter Twenty Three: "I'm Imported"

ONCE THEY LEFT, I struggled to make my way up the stairs, I was a mess: sweaty fingers that whenever they gripped the black railing they would note of their bloodless knuckles; my muscles strained as I relied on them to make my way upstairs. More effort I took advantage of, more blurred my vision would get.

Once I made it past my bedroom door and relaxed between the satin sheets of my bed, the smell of Ethan's jumper invaded my lungs, I immediately felt slightly calmer.

"So you really like gazing at me?" I asked turning towards William, he sat looking at me with his elbow on his knee and his hand under his chin.

"Who says I'm gazing?"

"Rude." I made myself more comfortable between the sheets with my lips curved into a smile, I slightly pushed down the covers to get a better view of William, he really was particular in his way.

"I just asked a question, how is that rude?" He asked furrowing his dark eyebrows then the corners of his mouth turned up and I noticed his eyes started to slightly glimmer.

"I don't know, anyways this feels like a film, you gazing and me in my bed, right when I'm about to fall asleep, you get the point: I fall asleep then you'll be gazing as I sleep just like a creep, I wish I would never wake up."
I struggled to take deep breaths while I giggled, speaking was even harder as my skin ached with hypersensitivity, I could sense tingles and several hot and cold sensations rushing along my spine.

"When will you wake up, you're deluding yourself just by acting like everything is okay, it's like you don't feel the pain, with that lying smile on your lips." The smile on his slowly faded and I gave him a questioning look while struggling to keep a smile.

"This is not the time-"

"Then when, if you're behaving like everything's okay, how do you think I can trust you? You're literally about to faint, who knows, you're not even asking nor begging for help and attention, what exactly are you planning on doing?"

"You don't care about how I feel right, you want to know what I'm thinking-"
"Nothing, I can take care of myself. Clearly, I don't feel well and I took a minute to think, the answer is obvious: our little adventure outside is the reason to this fever, I mean you must be another being that's why you're practically not reacting to the cold water but I'm human if you haven't noticed," I mumbled in annoyance and turned to my right with my back facing the window and William; I felt my head spinning like crazy and tried to control my breath as I shut my eyes close.

"Should I be worried?"

I slowly opened my eyes and sighed trying to fight back the twitching on my lips.

"No you shouldn't William," I whispered in the most caring way possible. I hardly whispered like that unless with Mae- usually it would sound forced, when she used to be younger- this time it sounded like I meant it.

"Do you feel like crying?"
"Crying might help, one thing for sure it relieves pain easing both emotional and physical pain-"

I quickly turned right slightly raising my head and looking towards William, he had a worried look on his face and mine softened as a response.
"No, I don't feel like crying, William, I'm fine and if I wasn't, your continuous bickering wouldn't help, it's even better having a fever or whatever I'm going through, I've been through worse."

The worried look on his face slowly faded away and a furious expression quickly replaced it, he stood up and his wings spread wide open, making me hold my breath.
I gather myself dragging my legs upwards and with my fingers gripping the sheets I tried to face him with a scared looked on my face.

William did nothing but start to wander around my bedroom, his wings blew fresh cold air- which made me feel way better but I couldn't just neglect the fact that something was wrong with William- he would from time to time pass his fingers through his hair and slightly pull the ends.

He stopped at my desk, with his back facing me, he slightly leaned towards the desk and opened one of the numerous books scrolling through the pages, completely ignoring me.
William's wings still moved behind his back and the fresh air that they blew in my way filled my lungs with a Rose and Vanilla perfume.

I sat up my bed and slowly got rid of Ethan's big black jumper that I wore while trying to take deep breaths in, I never knew I just needed a breath of air, I had forgotten how to take care of myself and the boiling sensation I felt along my skin was slowly disappearing.

William's concentration was still on my diary and the books on the desk, I couldn't care less whether or not he read them, who was he to go tell anyone?

I looked down feeling my hands tremble, waiting for him to do something or say something, which just left me in the silence and I was surprised I couldn't focus on my thoughts.
I anxiously bit the skin on my lips, while still taking in deep breaths I tried to bring back my focus on my fingers, that were slightly darker due to the dimmed lights in my bedroom.

His whispers grew louder.
It made me look up to his broad shoulders and I could make out a few words he was mumbling and I understood he was reading a few of my poems, he sounded so concentrated and I was proven right as soon as his wings stopped frenetically moving and started to motion at a slower paste, till eventually, they stopped.

He turned around with his eyebrows pulled together and a hurt look painted on his face, he slightly licked his lips and flared his nostrils taking in a deep breath. I hadn't noticed he was walking towards me.

a/n - please remember to vote and give a feedback if you enjoyed :) -JS