Masochistic Sonder | 𝐻𝒮 | Harry Styles

Chapter Nine: I'm Not Talking About Boys

Chapter Nine: "I'm Not Talking About Boys"

I DIDN'T FEEL ANY SORT OF feelings towards Harry, otherwise, I'd have been trying to see him every day, since the day we met but instead, I used his etherealness and fragility as inspiration for my writing. Somehow the universe made us continuously meet.

I wasn't the type of girl that always talked about boys, especially when I was younger I used to make use of their being as a point of reference; I had long practised the spell of love: I'd strongly think about that certain person and battle my heart to like them. From then on I'd write about them like crazy, I'd unforgivingly use their existence as ink for my writing and paint for my art.

"To be dead honest, I'm not taking this job seriously, I believe I'm mostly focused on art and my students right now, the shoots just earn me some profit on the side."
"Would it pain you to dance with me?" He questioned me and turned my way, the same time I did, he had a smile on his lips, his pearly white teeth sparkled through them and he had a challenging look on his face. I cherished that expression. Harry had now become a challenge.
I slowly started to teach myself not to open up to him too much.

"It might for me but I'm not sure about you, Mr Styles," I replied as I looked away and went back to smiling at the camera that Mr Gorani held in his hands.

"I feel like I could put anything on the line for you right now, Aaliyah," he replied. I was surprised he had the guts to speak out and that made me smile. Mr Gorani took a quick shot as he gasped, gripping harder onto the camera, he definitely must have thought of expressions and body language as the apple of the camera.

"Then make of my hips, music, Mr Styles," I laughed, reaching out my hand towards him.

I was growing a certain type of respect for Harry, I knew I'd eventually start to regret opening up to him way too soon but in his arms, at that moment, everything felt so easy, also faking a smile felt like it wouldn't hurt later on in life.

Hathor's span around the room, dancing to the music that quietly played in the background, her hips went on the beat, to the clicking of the cameras as they took pictures of every movement I and Harry made.
The crystals on her dress gleamed, they scattered across the whole room and reflected on the reddish carpet, like falling snow during the coldest nights of December.
Terpsichore strolled towards her and they held each other's hands, bobbing their heads to the beat, with a smile on their rosy lips; Terpsichore was one of the prettiest of Muses.

"Mr Styles you're a great dancer," I giggled as I followed his steps. He danced so angelically, his moves consisted of his muscles tiredly stretching and slow body rolls.
I certainly wasn't aware that a guy like him could dance, mostly with a girl like me, for me he remained the shy art teacher in my eyes; the teacher that dressed dead but had the tenderest personality.
That's what I liked about Harry.

I questioned if he wore a mask to hide his true self, he was unreadable and that drove me crazy, I was amazed at how long he could keep a smile on his soft lips.

"Alright, alright back to being professional guys," shouted out loud Mr Gorani, he raised his hand making an unusual sign to his set of photographers.

Harry's face slowly turned sadder as the music became quieter.

He was saddened just by the thought of not having fun anymore and that was the day I saw another side of him, he immediately hid behind his curly hair. Was it my turn to call out for him?
His throat moved as he tried to take hold of his breath, from the previous exhausting dance and I quietly watched, holding mine, he was so particular, that his being attracted me to write about him.

Was it my place to call him out of his hiding? Achlys stood behind him and she smothered her hand on his head, was that supposed to make him feel any better?

"Mr Styles,"
"It was a pleasure dancing with you," I said, forcing a smile, it hurt me to see him in pain, over something so meaningless.
As a response, he just nodded and a couple more pictures were taken. My hands started to shake because I needed to write about him, just like I wrote about all my other lovers.

"I guess it's time for me to leave, the pictures you guys took were breathlessly amazing, I'm shocked, I couldn't do better, I'm so honoured to have been part of this, with this amazing crew and also to have the change to work alongside Mr Styles and Gorani, " I said with a smile on my lips, they knew I wasn't lying about the amazing day I had so far, they believed everything except my smile.

I was scared to leave, I knew Oizys would have followed me and deposited on my back the heavy bag of loneliness.
They all applauded and some members said I was more than welcome, some said they enjoyed my stay and were looking forward to more pictures to be taken; they all felt pity towards me and it was undeniable.

"I should get going," I whispered and slightly bowed down, nothing was left of my voice and that was immensely embarrassing.

I just wanted to cry, all that happiness was unbearable, there used to be a time where I'd impel myself to forget everything at the end of the day and along, the good memories would vanish into thin air, unreachable, untouchably ethereal.

I questioned if I should have done the same thing with that day's memory but I wanted to remember dancing with Harry, I wanted to remember how unbelievable Harry looked, how I could barely breathe at the sight of his body moving, he was drug to my eyes.