How Not To Be A Werewolf (Editing)

Chaz, The Zombie Maître D

"Holy crap, you guys gave me such a fright! I almost dropped all my guts out, what's left of them anyway."

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. There was a fucking zombie standing in front of us, and it was talking as if there was nothing odd about the situation at all. I threw up in my mouth a little bit as the dead skin around his mouth moved.

Victoria was quick, with a wave of her hand the pieces from the broken plates flew up from the floor and fixed themselves together before landing in a neat pile on the nearest table.

"Sorry about that, Chaz." She said, "We didn't mean to scare you."

"Ah, that's alright. If you guys want food I've just put some chips down. I wasn't expecting customers until later. It's karaoke night, that's always a good blast, but I can still rustle something up."

I wasn't sure where to look. Chaz was covered in large pieces of peeled off skin, the bone showing through the gaps. He then smiled, showing off black rotten teeth. His entire right eye was missing, the hole that it had left was just a black gaping abyss. I felt sicker the longer I looked at him.

"We didn't come for food, we came for your help." Victoria told him. "We need a place to stay for a while. Somewhere to lay low."

"I wouldn't mind some chips, though." Wesley added.

Chaz looked at us through his only eye and frowned slightly, making a patch of loose skin above his cheek drop.

"Sanctuary," he sighed, "It's been a while since anyone invoked that bylaw." he then moved out of the way to let us go past him, through to the kitchen, "Go on through. I'll bring your chips when they're done."

We made our way through the stainless steel wonderland of the kitchen, which smelled amazing, to a small back room.

It was as immaculate as the rest of the Diner, with its walls covered in thick, flowery green wallpaper. As we sat down on the comfortable grey leather sofas Chaz followed us in carrying a large bowl of chips. He passed them to Wesley, who gladly accepted them and tucked in.

"So then, what's the story?" Chaz asked as he sat down precariously on the edge of one of the sofas. "You said you came here for my help?"

"We did." I replied, "I'm Alec Colby..."

"Ah, yes. The werewolf on the run." Chaz said in recognition, "But, then what help can I do for you?"

That was the hardest thing to pinpoint. We needed a place to hide mainly. We also needed to be able to put our plan into action. Honestly, I was starting to doubt that we could actually do this.

I was sure that Marty McFly never had this much of a fucking headache when he traveled back in time. No. I really needed to get a grip.

"We actually wanted to pick your brain about something." Wesley said, "Have you had a werewolf in here recently called Jonathan Cayhill?"

"Jonathan? Yes, I believe so." Chaz replied as he casually picked at the dead skin on his cheek.

He'd been a customer here? What kind of place has clientele like that?!

There were so many thoughts now running through my mind. I really hoped we hadn't been stitched up. With my luck, I wouldn't be surprised.

"He wasn't the best customer; fights, meetings, anti-Council propaganda. I banned him from this establishment a few months ago." Chaz carried on, "I don't need trouble like that here. I told him that I offer sanctuary, but I cannot condone outright rebellion."

"SPECTRE are after me." I explained, "They think that I attacked someone. I didn't, but Jonathan did. We need a base, uh sanctuary, so we can work on a way to clear my name."

Suddenly Chaz jumped up in surprise from his seat. He reached down to where he had been sitting and picked up a lone grey tinged eyeball.

"I wondered where I left this," he said before shoving the eyeball back into his empty socket.

So fucking gross...

"Anyway, so you're on the run from The Council, and you're wondering how can I help." Chaz muttered almost to himself, "Of course, I can provide you all a place to stay. That I can do. How, may I ask, are you planning to clear your name of this attack?"

"Time travel." I replied.

The answer was simple, and yet it sounded so bloody ridiculous. I was still coming to terms with the whole idea.

"Transcoinder, of course." Chaz mused, "A difficult spell to get right at the best of times. It's a pretty dangerous option."

"Well, we've had some practice." Victoria said.

Chaz had no eyebrows, but if he did I'm sure he would have raised them at this point. "I see. And, your looking to use it again to create a paradox?"

"Actually, we're going back again to avoid a paradox," I replied. "We realised that by travelling back we allowed Jonathan to go to the Council and frame me in the first place. We created the paradox. This time we're looking to stop him from ever reaching The Council."

I didn't need to add that we could potentially cause an even bigger paradox if anything were to fuck up. We could lose Jonathan for a second time, or accidentally run into our past selves. The horrific images from Victoria's spellbook popped into my mind and I felt my confidence in the plan suddenly waver.

Let's be honest, there was a lot that could fuck this plan up.

"Doable, I suppose." Chaz seemed for a moment to be in deep thought. He sat picking again at the bit of loose dead skin on his cheek.

"I can't officially endorse this plan of yours," He eventually said. "I admire it, of course, if it works you will be able to clear your name. Until that point has passed, I haven't seen you. Any of you. But, you are welcome to stay here while you figure things out."

I was glad that Chaz was on our side, or at least he seemed to be. All I wanted now was to focus on putting our plan into action. This time round things would be so much harder. We were already in the same time period. Twice. We would have to be extra bloody careful.

Well, they say third time's a charm.