Hawks Married Oneshots

Scars

A/N: This is for my readers and friends who are struggling with depression or self-harm. Just know that there is a light on the other end of this dark and pointed tunnel of emotions you find yourself in. You are loved and you are strong. 

Warning: Angsty, but has a sweet ending

This takes place when you guys were dating.

You and Keigo were out on a date, walking around a park during the fall, having a good time. The orange leaves were falling and the air was crisp. Keigo reached for your soft hand, to hold with his rough one when he noticed something that just barely peeked out of your sleeve. He took your wrist and pushed the cloth with his thumb, to reveal several small scars.

"What is this?" he asked you, concern filled his voice.

Not wanting to reveal how you go those scars you brushed him off, saying, "I-it's nothing," faking a smile, while you twisted your wrist to free yourself from his grip. This only made Keigo more frustrated and hold your wrist tighter.

"Y/n, I want the truth. Where did you get these scars?" he growled.

Your mind starts to panic. You didn't want to tell him the truth, because then he will learn about your demons and look at you differently. You never wanted to have to go one day without looking into those loving amber eyes of his that your heart ache. But you didn't want to lie to him. How could you ever look at him again and not feel a pang of guilt every time you saw him smile. He deserved to know the truth, but you couldn't help but wonder, "will the truth terrify and hurt him enough for him to run away from me?"

"Y/n," Keigo interrupted your thoughts, saying your name through his breath, both softly and firmly. You cannot help but look into his amber eyes, which had the fire of a fierce desire to protect you. Your e/c eyes tear up and your throat begins to close on you with an upcoming sob.

"Keigo, you deserve the truth, but I am afraid that if I tell you, that you will never look at me the same way anymore," you tell him, your voice quivered with the threat of tears. He cupped your face with his other hand, and stroked your cheek with his thumb.

"I swear to you y/n, that I will never look at you any differently than I do now," he firmly states. You breathed a sigh, and closed your eyes, bracing yourself for all the darkness in your life to be poured out and laid before him, to see your inner demons in all their glory.

"When I was 20, I was in a dark place in my life. By that time, I have been struggling with," you hesitate to say the next word, "depression for a few years. It didn't know what those feelings were called, or I was probably in denial, but there you have it. I would have all these dark thoughts and emotions, and one day, in particular, my depression grew a new ugly head and decided to bite me physically. I decided to cut myself with one of the spare blades that I had in my desk for sharpening my colored pencils." you opened your eyes and looked into Keigo's, clearly seeing the shock that he was so desperately trying to hide behind the calm he displayed on his face.

"What did you do then?" he asked you in a low voice.

"I couldn't tell my parents. I was too afraid to see the horror in their eyes if I told them what I've done. I was so ashamed. Finally, it got so bad that I had to tell someone who knew about my depression. I first went to tell bmf/n (best male friend); he encouraged me to the best of his ability, then he had me talk to bff/n (best female friend). She helped me a lot."
"What did she say to you?"

"She asked me why I was ashamed, and I told her that it was like every instinct in my body was telling me to stop, but I couldn't, but when I felt that relief and that rush of adrenaline, I was scared that I would go to far so I had to stop. I then told her that I was ashamed for following through on such a dark desire and that I didn't want to hurt mom and dad.

She then said that she was so proud of me, that my instincts were sharp, and that I knew that self-harm wouldn't help. She told me that she was proud that I was fighting and that my instincts were pointed towards life and good, no matter how I felt. She helped me get through it, and to even have the courage to tell my parents eventually. Since then, things have been going for the better. I was able to go to counseling, and things have improved with my parents, and I've been happier. All through this time, I actually had people with me every step of the way, and life had never been sweeter until you came into my life, then things got more interesting and fun. I still have a few bad days, but there's not a day that doesn't go by that I don't thank the heavens for turning my life around and for giving you to love," you smiled and cupped his cheek in your hand, which he leaned into it, shifting his hand from your wrist, to your hand and squeezed it as he let out a shallow breath.

"Can we go sit on that bench?" he asked, gesturing to the bench a few feet away, under a tree covered in scarlet leaves. You nodded and the two of you walked over. He never let go of your hand, even as you sat in silence for a few seconds. It felt like an eternity before Keigo spoke again.

"Well," he sighed, "I guess I lied," he said and you looked at him confused. "I guess I will look at you differently." Your heart stopped. You moved to leave, but Keigo wouldn't let go of your hand and he pulled you closer to look at him.

"I mean that yes I will look at you differently; but, this time I will see a woman who is not weaker, but stronger because she had the courage to say no to the enemy and chose to fight for her life. So now, I will look at you with more awe and love than before. Know this, that there is not a day that I don't thank the heavens for giving me you to love too y/n."

You start to laugh and cry tears of joy. "Oh thank you!" Keigo whispered to the sky before he embraced you in his strong, warm arms. The tears would not stop flowing from your eyes as you wrapped your arms tightly around him, never wanting this moment to end. You were so happy and praised the heavens for allowing you both to grow even closer together as a couple. You sat there for a little while, hugging, perfectly content in each other's' arms, and whispered silent and happy things to each other, joyful that you were together and stronger than ever.