I Can't Die, So WHY AM I HERE!? (Is This A Zombie? x KonoSuba Crossover)

Chapter 5: The Expenses of the Rich

A Brand New Day

You'd think having 30 million Eris as a reward from that tower thing would be a blessing. You're rich. You can properly start adventuring. You can buy that special outfit you wanted with the custom sword made out of dragon bones that some higher-level adventurer nearly died to get. But not for Ayumu. Instead, Ayumu is stuck with... well...

Aqua: "AYUMU! I NEED MONEY!"

A bitchy Goddess who drinks all her money away.

Ayumu: "Calm down, Aqua! I'm not giving you any money!"

Aqua: "*sniff* But Ayumu, when we were celebrating the other day, *sniff* I was talked into getting a loan for more booze! It's not my fault! I was drunk! I wanted to keep drinking! *sniff* Please, I need 15,000 Eris!"

She collapses on the table in front of him and clings to his clothing, stretching out the fabric.

Ayumu: "You drank more than a week's worth of rent in a single night!?"

He looks past her to see two unscrupulous looking fellows brandishing mean mugs and an empty coin pouch. She really needs to go to rehab for her alcoholism. Wait, does this world have rehab? Does it even have the concept of alcoholism?

Ayumu: "Anyway, the answer is fuck no! I want to move out of the stables, so-"

She let go of him and lifts her ass in the air, shaking it provocatively.

Aqua: "A young man like you should have a place of his own, but I'll miss hearing you rustle around next to me, breathing heavy, moaning like you have a stomachache and then-"

He grabs her head with one hand and covers her mouth with the other to shut her up.

Ayumu: "THAT'S enough of that! That was one goddamn time and I didn't even know you were home! I'm a red blooded young man! A man has needs! And with you-"

He looks around to see if anybody heard him. Luckily, the guild is mostly empty. Hopefully, she didn't hear him almost confess that despite her mental shortcomings, he does find her physically attractive.

Ayumu: "*sigh* You know, I was going to save all this money for a rainy day and hopefully move out of the stables." He pulls a pouch of coins from his pocket. "However, since I got so much and you didn't get the chance to win some yourself because of me, I guess I can-"

Aqua: "Thanks!"

She swipes the bag before he can even finish his sentence and runs over to the loan sharks, happily handing them his (somewhat) hard earned money. Chances are she won't be appreciative of this act of kindness and will repeat this mistake in the future, but so it goes. She's a Goddess whose only uses are healing that never applies to anyone, utilizing party tricks, distracting Giant Toads, and creating rainbow colored puke whenever she drinks too much. Of course, even she has her moments, once in a blue moon.

As Aqua's talking with her loan sharks, hopefully staying out of the trouble, Darkness starts walking over.

Darkness: "Ayumu! I had my armor repaired with what I received from the Magical Meter! Does it not look brilliant? What do you think?"

She leans down with a smile, happy with the repair job. She did get it damaged from the machine he broke, but then again...

Ayumu: "If you want my honest opinion, it looks like something the spoiled son of an aristocrat would wear."

Darkness: "Oh honestly, " she stands back up, "wouldn't it hurt for you to pay a lady a compliment every once in a while?" Her face becomes flushed as a grin creeps on her face. "You're so rough... You never show me any mercy..."