Those Blurry Lines

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Nothing

Takbo lamang ako nang takbo.

Hindi ko alam kung saan ako papunta. Giniginaw na ako. Nangangalay na ang mga binti ko, pero ayokong huminto.

Parang sasabog na ang puso ko. My vision was blurry because of the overflowing tears. Nagsisimula nang dumilim pero wala akong pakialam.

I stopped at a crossing and sat down at the pavement. Nakayuko ako sa tuhod ko, hinahayaang lunurin ako ng mga emosiyon.

Humahagulhol ako. A lot of people must have been looking at me, but for now, I don't care. I just want to escape.

Ayoko nang bumalik pa sa bahay. What she said scarred me. I could not believe it. She's my mother. She should be supporting me.

Hindi niya ba alam kung ba't ako nagkakaganito?

Gusto kong patunayan sa kanya na nagkakamali siya. Gusto kong sabihin sa kanya na may patutunguhan ako.

I stopped and fished out my phone from my pocket. Tanging ito at ang wallet ko lamang ang nadala ko. At ayoko nang bumalik pa roon.

I called Jackson. His phone was ringing. Hindi niya ito sinasagot.

"Come on, I need help," I whispered.

Naka-ilang tawag na ako pero hindi pa rin niya ito sinasagot. So I just gave up. Niyakap ko ang sarili ko.

I only have myself. I only have myself...

Paulit-ulit ko 'yung itinatatak sa isipan ko, pero ang hirap. Hindi sa lahat ng oras, maaasahan mo ang sarili mo.

I need someone to run to. With my friends, I don't think it's a good idea. They won't understand me. Si Jackson lang. Pero hindi niya ako sinasagot.

Nakaupo lamang ako sa pasemano, nakatulala sa kawalan. I was... scared.

Hindi ko alam kung ilang oras akong naroon. Basta nakita ko na magsu-sunrise na. Hinang-hina na ako. I stood up, feeling my knees, and started to walk.

Hindi pamilyar sa akin ang lugar at sigurado akong malayo na ako mula sa Central at sa bahay. Nakakita ako ng Seven Eleven kaya pumasok ako sa loob.

Nagtataka siguro ang cashier sa 'kin. I probably looked like a mess. At that moment, I just don't care.

The sun was already rising when I sat down and felt the heat of my cup noodles. My phone started to ring. Pagtingin dun, nakita ko si Aling Baby na tumatawag sa 'kin. I ended the call and turned it off.

When I ate the noodles, a tear escaped from my eyes. Hatred slowly corrupted me.

Lahat ng natipon na sakit ay biglang nabuo para maging galit. It was true that I don't have a thing for Architecture, but it's not true that I don't have a direction.

May pangarap ako na dahan-dahang binubuo, at nawasak lamang iyon sa isang tawag niya. She must be calm right now, thinking that I will soon crawl back to her.

But I won't.

If she thinks I'm that easy, let's just see.

Gathering up my courage, I called for a taxi to take me to a bus station. Nakatulala lamang ako sa labas ng bintana.

Tatalikuran ko na 'to lahat. Sigurado ba ako roon? Ever since I was young, I lived in a life where I can get what I want. But I'm willing to throw it all away.

I'm not happy anymore. Life full of wealth won't satisfy me.

I need to find myself. I need to see my direction clearer.