The White Peacock (A Draco Malfoy Fanfic)

Chapter 29: Katie Bell

Christmas and winter break were almost here, 2 months had gone by in a flash, mostly because I was barely present, it felt almost like I shut down, as I struggled to grasp the reality of who Draco was, and I couldn't cope with my choice to remain silent. I managed to avoid most people and buried myself in my studies.

I couldn't face anyone, knowing what I had known. However the worst part is that I always had known or at least suspected who he was from the moment I saw him return back to school, I saw the darkness in him, yet I still let myself be consumed by him.

Curled up by the fireplace in the common room, I sat with my head buried in my arms, my sleeves damp from my fallen tears. Everything in my life up till now has always seemed black or white, but now suddenly everything was grey, grey as his eyes.

Anabelle had asked me what I would do if Draco was a death eater, and I said I didn't know, and the moment has come and I still don't know, because now the right side and wrong side were not longer clear, just like being born into a bloodline I didn't choose, Draco was born into a life of darkness and prejudices he didn't chose, therefore me exposing him wouldn't be the right choice, neither the wrong choice.

If he was so bad, if he was just like his father, why did he care about me, a mud blood. I knew his feelings ran deeper than just his physical attraction for me, because if it was just physical he wouldn't dare touch someone he thought was filthy. Is there the slightest chance he could change? The slightest chance I could save him? but when the war eventually does come, would he do the same for me?

"There you are, I have been looking for you all day" I hear a familiar voice say behind me, it was Blaise. I sit up trying to change my glum expression, "Slughorn gave me this to pass on to you" he says handing me an invitation.

"Oh Thanks" I say examining the envelope.

"It's for his prestigious Slug Club Christmas party" he says playfully as he takes a seat next to me on the floor.

"Right of course, I can't wait" I try saying trying to sound convincing.

"Don't try and sound too excited" he says with a laugh

"Sorry, I am just a little stressed out" I say rubbing my strained eyes.

"I feel that, I know what its like feeling like you have to live up to impossible expectations" he says staring into the fire. This was the first time he was ever serious and real in front of me I thought.

"I didn't realise you felt that way, you always seem so confident and together" I say playfully.

"Well I suppose you wouldn't know, considering we barely hang out anymore" he says with a smirk. I felt bad at how I distanced myself from him, because of Malfoy.

"Blaise I'm sorry" I say apologetically.

"Don't be, it was my fault, I made things intense and weird" He says grabbing my hand.

"No, you didn't do anything wrong" I say tightly holding onto his hand.

"No I did, because I thought I was better than you Murph" he blurts out catching me off guard, "because I am a pureblood, I thought that you, being a muggle born, could never do better than me so when I started having feelings for you I didn't even think about what you wanted, I just started acting like your boyfriend thinking you should be so lucky, except now I realise that I was the lucky one" he says staring back at me.

"I can't believe you are being this honest" I say in shock.

"Well I realised that I need to get out of this bubble I was in and start acting like a real person, or at least a better person, a person who is worthy of a girl like you" he says looking down. I couldn't help but smile at his sincerity, it was new, it was so unlike him.