Chapter 18 - I can't

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Callie POV

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Callie POV

We have been home a few days and I haven't left my room, I've locked everyone out even Elliot can't get in and I know your probably thinking I'm being stupid and a bïtch but I'm struggling to get my head around this. Right after we were told I was pregnant I got up and left the hospital, leaving everyone behind.

My mum or Elliot have been leaving food and drink by my door and when I know no one is there I will quickly open the door to get it. I know I said I can't have this baby but the thought of me terminating it hurt more than my fears of being scared. I need to seriously man up and go and talk to Elliot and everyone about how I'm feeling.

I'm absolutely terrified, I can't go through that pain again of losing another child, I know me and Elliot spoke about starting a family but I thought it would be way off in the future and that we had more time together as a couple, we have only been together 5 months officially, it's too soon for a baby.

I can already imagine what my family is thinking that I need to man up and deal with this but none of them can understand the agonising pain you feel of losing a child, yes miscarriages are awful and I would be devastated as well but actually giving birth to your children and raising, caring and loving it and then it gets ripped away from you it's like you loose a part of yourself.

It's not just the fact I'm terrified of losing another child I also feel like it's déjà vu and I'm going to loose Elliot as well as this baby.

How do I explain to Elliot that I'm absolutely terrified of losing this other baby as well as him. How do I explain that this will affect my work life at the army and I want to go back, I've been hoping we got a call asking us to go back, I've been missing the action. How will this affect everything, I'm going to get bigger, moody, horny, hungry and tired constantly, will Elliot cope with all that?

I need to stop lying here and see my man and talk to him and then everyone else. I stretch over to my bedside table and grab my phone and shoot Elliot a text asking him to come to our bedroom.

I can hear running up the stairs and it isn't quiet, I then hear running down the corridor and then him banging on the door. I climb out of bed slowly and open the door, in runs Blaze and Elliot behind him, Elliot looks scared.

Elliot – Are you okay!!

Callie – Yes but I think we need to talk. Before you worry it's not bad it's just I need to man up and tell you how I'm feeling and listen to how your feeling. I'm sorry I've shut you and everyone out.

He pulls me into a hug and kisses my head and rest one hand on my belly which makes me smile.

Elliot – You don't have to apologise angel, I can't imagine what you must be feeling.

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