Bella's Little Sister

Chapter 54

Carlisle was currently looking at the x-rays he had taken of my ribs. "Your rib is cracked," he told me. "But there are no splinters. You haven't punctured anything."

"Yet," Edward added quietly. "It's breaking her bones now." His eyes held the frustration and anger he felt as he turned his gaze to me. "It's crushing you from the inside out."

I refused to meet his eyes as he spoke, opting instead to keep my gaze focused solely on my hands, spinning my wedding ring around on my finger. Jasper had picked up on the fact that this was a sign of my growing anxiety, and he always did what he could to ease it, though it was never enough.

It had been days since I had actually said more than one word to Edward. All I wanted was for him to understand that this was something I strongly desired, and be supportive about it. Growing up, I had always found myself wanting what others had. Everywhere I had gone, I had seen other couples with children of their own, and I had wished it were me, almost desperately.

As I continued to stay silent, my carefully composed mask in place, I felt myself falling, slowly returning to a state of depression. Rosalie was the only one who understood what I wanted. No one else could possibly understand how much this meant to me, how many times I had stayed awake at night, wondering if I would ever actually get this chance. Not even Bella understood just how desperately I wanted this, though I knew she suspected.

"Carlisle, tell her what you told me." Edward turned his gaze from my face as he spoke, his tone insistent. "Tell her."

I could sense Carlisle's hesitation to relay the information to me, but he knew that I needed to know. Carlisle's steps were slow as he walked to my side. "The fetus isn't compatible with your body. It's too strong, and it won't allow you to get the nutrition you need." His eyes were serious as he went on to tell me that I was being starved by the hour, and that he can't stop it or slow it. "At this rate, your heart will give out before you can deliver."

Carlisle had long since been gone from the room; he had left almost an hour or so ago. Edward had moved to stand up against the window, his eyes still watching me as I lay there, wrapped up in my thoughts. I found that the only thing I really wanted in that moment was my sister's advice, though I was certain of what her words would be.

If I were to explain the situation to her, my sister would, of course, be understanding. But when it came down to it, she would ultimately advise me to do this in a safer and healthier way. Just as Jacob had suggested. My sister was certainly much more practical and realistic than I was. She did not get lost in her thoughts as often I did, and she definitely did not hold fast to things she wanted as desperately as I did.

Slowly, almost reluctantly, I turned my eyes to where Edward was standing, meeting his probing gaze.

"I can't live without you," Edward was talking just above a whisper. He turned to face the windows, refusing to meet my gaze now that he knew this was a fight he would never win.

Taking a deep breath, I gathered my thoughts before speaking. "You'll have a part of me with you."

"Do you honestly think that I could love or even tolerate it if it killed you?" Edward stepped towards me, his eyes blazing. "We're supposed to be partners, remember? But you've decided this on your own, to leave me."

I brought my knees up to my chest, placing my arms on them as I moved my fingers to my hair. "I know you're frustrated with me." My voice was quiet, and tears began to blur my vision.

Edward shook his head, turning back to face the window again. "Frustrated doesn't even begin to cover it."

I rubbed at my eyes tiredly, wishing that this was easier. "What do you want me to say?"

"That you'll give this up!" Edward turned back yet again to look at me. "I want you to say that you'll listen to me for once."

"If I do that," I started slowly, trying very hard to keep my voice even. "Then I'm throwing away what I want."

He gestured to me as he spoke his next words. "This is what you want? To throw away your life?"

My lips were now pressed tightly together as I struggled not to yell back at him. "You don't understand."

Edward was suddenly at my side, his face angry as he looked down at me. "Explain it to me then! Tell me exactly what it is that you're doing!"

"I spent many years as a kid wondering if I would ever get this chance," I pushed him back. "I can't even begin to tell you how many nights of sleep I lost thinking about this."

The grip he had on my arms was firm. "There are other ways. Safer, healthier ways to do this."

"Don't you think I know that?" I snapped at him. "I've thought about that, too! Edward, I have thought over every option there is. But none of that is the same as this." My control snapped then, and I tugged roughly at my hair as my heart rate increased rapidly. It was difficult for me to take deep breaths, to stop long enough to focus on slowing my pulse.

"Jess?" Edward's mood quickly shifted as he moved towards me, but he stopped at my words.

"Don't," I closed my eyes. "Just... don't."

I pulled on the sleeves of the sweater I wore, drawing my hands further into them as I shivered slightly.

"Are you cold?" Edward asked me.

I sighed in annoyance, still frustrated with him for not understanding. "Does it matter?"

He leaned forward on the chair he was sitting on, extending his arm so he could take my hand. "Jess, I'm sorry."

I pulled away from him, tugging on my sleeves again. "Yeah, I'm sure you are."

Jacob, who had been sitting on the opposite end of the couch from where I was, started to move closer to me, claiming he would keep me warm. At my expression, he held up his hands before moving back. Edward quickly moved a trash can towards me as I pushed myself into a sitting position, whimpering slightly at the nausea that swept through me. When the sensation had passed, I sighed as I leaned back against the couch, a fresh round of tears blurring my vision.

"Why are you crying, love?" Edward took my hand in his, moving to kneel at my side when I did not refuse him.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, looking up at him. "I shouldn't have gotten so angry. Will you stay with me?" I was so tired. I was tired from the stress of the situation and exhausted from fighting Edward over this. But either way, I would not back down from what I so desperately wanted. Jacob stood so Edward could move to sit next to me. He took me carefully into his embrace, taking care not to move the IV attached to my arm. Edward began to run his fingers through my hair, his lips twitching into a smile at the quiet sigh that I released, content and quickly relaxing as he continued his movements.

"We need to find a way to get food into her system," Esme spoke quietly to Carlisle.

"If only I could see the fetus..." Alice murmured before Rosalie corrected her. "Maybe I could figure out what it wants."

I vaguely heard the brief conversation between Edward and Jacob as I began to drift off into sleep. Edward mentioned something about Jacob's thoughts, to which Jacob stated that it was more of a snide comment. That was about all I heard before I was completely asleep. Edward woke me what felt like only seconds later, a foam cup in his hand. "What is that?" I asked him.

"Jacob thinks the fetus is thirsty. But it won't want animal blood," Edward was watching me carefully. "We'll only do this if you're comfortable with it."

I felt my upper lip curl back slightly at the thought of drinking blood, before realizing that I would have to get used to it if I was going to be turned eventually. Taking Edward's hand tightly in my own and a deep breath, I met his gaze. "I'll do whatever it takes."