Until you call again. (Complete)

Adore you.

"Have you spoken to him?"

"He doesn't really give me much of a choice." I say coincidentally locking my phone when I see him calling again.

"And he's still my fiancé." I don't have a choice but to answer his calls.

"Is it still the thing with his father?"

"No. Fuck his father. It's just that..."

He doesn't want kids.

"It's nothing."

I'm ashamed to tell her. It's embarrassing.

The topic about kids is one you have before you even start dating, not after you've gotten engaged. But Jake and I's relationship hardly followed any known protocols. We did not at all go by the book.

"Mia, talk to me." Meghan says softly.

"How did you know that Tristan was the one?"
What if 'the one' wanted a completely different life that you wanted?

"I don't know, I guess it was the fear of not having him there. Like all I wanted was to have him in my life forever and always."
I feel that no doubt for Jake.

"But what happens during disagreements and differences in what you want?"

"You compromise."

How do you compromise when one wants a family and the other doesn't?

"Right."

"Are you ok Mia?"

I nod. I'm not.

This is what happens when you don't do things traditionally. You miss steps, important steps. Like necessary conversations that need to happen before any kind of growth in the relationship.

"I don't know, I guess I'd never pictured that life for myself." Was what he'd said when I'd mentioned having kids.

That's certainly something I'm not compromising. If you don't want kids, you don't want me. That's what I'd said to him before walking out last night. Now he won't stop blowing up my phone.

What is there to talk about? Seriously?

"I'm gonna go now Meg. I've got a deadline on an essay I'm writing for work." I say as I stand up to giver her a hug then kiss her protruding belly. I ignore my heart break a little.

"Love you." I shout making my way out of the restaurant and to my car.

Even though his dad doesn't approve of me, Jake and I decided we don't care. What is he going to do, have us decapitated? Please!

The conversation about kids came at random. He was by our bathroom mirror shaving off his stubble and I was on the toilet peeing. It took me a while but I was finally comfortable with doing that in front of him. I couldn't help but smile at the whole image of us being in that space like that and so,

"We should enjoy these moments while we still can because we won't have much of them with kids running around." I'd said to him. I know once you have kids the relationship becomes more about them than about the two of you. I'd of course assumed he wanted kids because that's naturally the next step after getting married right? Wrong apparently.

"Oh you want kids?" He'd then asked.

"Don't you?"

I'd felt my heart racing after he'd answered. How do you move forward from that? I can't compromise having kids just like I can't expect him to compromise not having kids. It's a commitment that requires two people who want to be in it. I would never force him to do something he doesn't want. Certainly not something like having kids.

I walk into my house after the long day I had with Meghan. It feels weird because I haven't really been here in a while. Jake insisted I move in with him after he'd proposed, so I had been staying with him. I came back to my house last night after our big disagreement to have a breather. Of course I'm planning on seeing him again and having a conversation. But right now I have to just not be around him.

The whole thing has been beyond disappointing. I was so excited to get married and spend the rest of my days with him but it seems nothing ever wants to work out for me. 

I ignore the sadness in my heart as I make my way upstairs to my room after deciding I need to take a shower. It's so hot today that I feel sticky from all the accumulated sweat.

But when I walk into my room,

"Baby, thank goodness."

He looks so sad. I want to run to him and kiss him because I've missed him so much but I instead say,

"Jake, what is all this?"

On my bed, on the floor and everywhere else in my room - lays toys, baby's clothes, baby's diapers. And,

"Is that a stroller?! Jake seriously, what is all this?"
My fiancé is a crazy person.

"Mia, you never let me finish last night." He says now walking towards me.

"Yes, I never thought about having kids. But that doesn't mean I don't want them." He says taking my hands into his. His face is soft and he's doing that thing where he's staring into my soul again.

"Baby, I want a whole day care of kids with you."
I know he's joking but that's not funny.

He seems to see me freak out slightly because,

"We'll talk about the number later in life my love. But point is, I want that and more with you."
Nothing more than three, I'll tell you that. His statement has me tearing up as I stare back at his soul.

But also,

"You mean that?"
I'm getting emotional and it shows.

"Of course Mia. You're my life, and I want more than anything to create more life with you." He says melting my heart.

He removes a couple of things off the bed to allow us room to lay on it. I don't know where we're going to put all this baby junk but I'll make sure it's his problem.

"Your dad..." I then start. My head is on his chest as I cuddle him.

I've been walking around like I don't care but I do.

"Mia, I told you don't worry about him. If he doesn't approve then that's his problem. I don't care."

"Jake but I do. You just don't understand." Family is important. But also,

"I grew up not having a relationship with my grandparents. And when mom and dad died..." I stop to calm myself down. 

"If we have kids and something happens to us..."
I don't want my kids growing up the way I did. If something ever happens to us, I want to know there will be people to cater to all and every one of their needs.

Jake knows all about my childhood, that's why he has a sympathetic look on his face.

"Baby.." he then says softly as he snuggles up to me.

"If it means that much to you, I'll talk to him." He says and I smile at that.

I don't expect him to force his father but I don't want us to give up without trying.

"Thanks baby," I say before dozing off to the most perfect slumber I'd ever had, next to my future husband. 

THE END