Until you call again. (Complete)

I love me.

"Let's talk about your grandparents."

I was wondering when we were going to get to that.

Cruella de Vil and her husband, I'd used to call them. Not just because of their personalities. Grandma had so many surgeries in her life she literally looked like her.

Grandpa wasn't bad. He just married bad, I actually felt bad for him. We always had great convos whenever grandma wasn't around but it was like he was afraid of her because he would turn into her whenever she was around.

"Uhhh... My favorite people!" My sarcasm is really evident because Dr Moyo chuckles.

"They used to travel a lot. And they had a lot of money." They had seven houses in this country alone.

"We'll get to that Mia. I was talking about your other grandparents. On your dad's side."

Oh.

I've never said this out loud to anyone but I think dad was ashamed of his family. He worked really hard to get himself out of poverty but it was like he hated that life so much and I think his family reminded him of it.

He never wanted to take us to where he'd grown up no matter how much we'd asked. He'd always come up with excuses and eventually we just let it go.

I knew he had a bunch of siblings, and I had a bunch of cousins but I'd never met them. I saw only a few of them at the funeral. We didn't talk much, they just introduced themselves and offered their condolences. His parents didn't even come, it was just a few of his siblings.

"I don't know much about them." I respond to her honestly.

"Have you ever tried to reach out to them?"

No.

"Uhm. Should I have?" She didn't have to say anything, her facial expression said it all.

"What do you think Mia?"

"I think family is more than just blood. I was a teenager who'd just lost both her parents and they were no where in sight other than at the funeral."
Mom and dad taught me that. Family is more than just blood. Most of the family members I knew growing up were not even related to mom or dad.

"I think they chose their own path as far as I'm involved. Whatever drama they had with dad should've died with him. Grandma and grandpa Kwali were horrible, but they were still there."

They certainly had a different way of grooming and they've got a whole list of things that are wrong with them, but one thing for sure is that they loved me a lot. They would've given anything for me.

I don't know why that melts my heart to think about. Maybe because I'm now looking at the situation with my grown up eyes.

Maybe they were like that because that was simply how they were raised.

They made sure I stayed at the private school I was in. If it wasn't for them I would've had to transfer to a public school, and Tristan wouldn't have been there. How would I have survived?

They made sure to pay all my tuition fees and saw to it that I had everything I needed and more. They were there for my school functions and graduation, to my utter annoyance. They didn't care that I hid my face when they cheered me at my first girl soccer game. I'd been so embarrassed I didn't speak to them for days.

My grand parents were not bad people. They were imperfectly old school and preferred tough love as that was how they'd been brought up.

"I see." Dr Moyo says seemingly ending the discussion of my other grandparents who simply chose to stay out of my life even when they didn't have to.

"I actually have something I wanted to talk about today," I start and she nods for me to continue.

"I'm kind of seeing someone." I say and she smiles at that. I can't help but mimic her.

"I really like this guy. He makes me feel like the most beautiful thing in existence." It feels like a dream even mentioning this to her. He is so unreal.

"But?" Dr Moyo asks obviously sensing the inevitable.

"Tristan and I are good again, which is not necessarily the but. The but is that he's going through some stuff right now with Meg and I want more than anything to be there for him." I say before pausing to look at the floor.

"This is now getting in the middle of my growth with this guy because he needs me there for him all the time. And I want to be there, I want him to be ok. But I also want to be happy."

"See I'm trying to stop being the selfish person that I am. Tristan has been there for me through everything, but now he needs me and I feel bad for only thinking of myself."

I then sigh and she nods in understanding.

"Mia. Was there a time you were never there for Tristan?" Dr Moyo asks and I take some time to think about her question.

Literally no.

He's been there for me more than I've been there for him but that's because I've been through the most. This is not a comparison but even he's admitted that my life is a literal roller coaster, we used to joke about that.

But also, he's always had multiple other shoulders to cry on and I only had his. I was always Tristan's best friend, but he had other friends too when I only had him.

But to answer Dr Moyo's question, "I've never not been there for him when he needed me."

"So despite everything you've done for him, he called you selfish?" I nod.

"And the one time you meet someone you might actually really like, he wants to guilt trip you into choosing him over your own happiness?" My saliva is suddenly hard to swallow.

He told me that he gives and gives, and all I do is take. That was really painful to hear. But it's not true. My whole life has literally revolved around his. I went out of my comfort zone more than once just to accommodate him.

I didn't like partying, drinking or smoking but I'd done it all because he didn't want to do them alone. I moved to the city he moved to because he didn't want to drive a long distance to come and see me.

I was his wingman during his bachelor days. I've gotten him out of jail, I've mended his broken heart... more than a few times. I've been there.

I've been there.

"Thanks Doc." is all I choose to say after my revelation.

"You're always welcome sweet Mia."

We hug, I head to reception to book my next appointment and then I'm out.

My head and my heart are clear. I know what I need to do.