Until you call again. (Complete)

Confessions.

 TRISTAN'S POV

"You're here alone today..."

"Yeah. I needed this session. I think you know why."

"Tell me how you're feeling today Tristan." Dr Moyo says to me patiently. I know she's been suspecting for a while, even before I knew. I appreciate the fact that she doesn't ask me to put it in words.

We were in one of our sessions when Meghan dramatically accused me of having feelings for Mia. I'd of course denied it because it was a lie. At least that was what I thought at the time.

"I'm feeling... conflicted. I'm coming to you not only because you're my therapist, but because you're Mia's too." I say and she nods for me to continue.

"I don't know what to do." I also don't know what to say because emotions have always been confusing to me.

"What do you think is the right thing to do Tristan?"

"Nothing. I think the right thing to do is absolutely nothing." I say honestly to her.

My heart wants to do the opposite of that but my brain knows better.

"How long have you known?" She asks me and I take a moment to think.

Not too long.

"I told her what Meg said the other day, she just laughed and thought it was ridiculous. That's when I knew it wasn't. I knew it was true right then." I answer feeling a tightness in my heart at the memory.

It hurt to know that she didn't feel the same way about me anymore. It hurt that the thought of me having feelings for her made her laugh, but I guess that's my fault isn't it?

"Tell me what you're actually feeling Tristan? What is your heart saying?" I know she's asking me this because she doesn't want me to turn this into a thing if it's really nothing.

It's not nothing. I made sure of that before coming in to see her. What I feel for Mia is real. I wouldn't have come if it was just nonsense.

"I love her." I finally admit. Not just to her but to me too.

I don't know how long I've felt this way but I'm more than sure about this now.

I can see Dr Moyo getting conflicted at my reveal, likely because Mia is her client too so I say,

"I know this is probably against your regulations or something. I'll understand if you don't want to see me anymore." 

I know Mia has been coming to see her for a while. I don't exactly know what they talk about but I can assume that I've been mentioned a few times. Her face when I told her I'm Tristan Brady confirmed that for me.

She probably sees me as the bad guy in Mia's story because of all that I've put her through. Maybe I am. But Mia and I have a lot of good memories too that she probably doesn't know about. It's uncomfortable not knowing what she's heard about me.

When I met Mia, I had no sense of direction in life whatsoever. I lived life how I was expected to live it. I hung out with people because that was what popularity required of me. I lived life by the book.

She got me out of that loophole. She introduced me to a life of not caring what people thought and doing things because I wanted to, not because I was expected to. An in return, I got her out of her shell. We were the literal opposite of each other and so we balanced each other out. The yin to my yang.

I know she struggled a lot and I've always tried really hard to be there for her. Although my influence wasn't always the greatest.

I let my mind take me back to when she lost her virginity to someone at a party I'd insisted she join me to. She'd cried uncontrollably that evening and I ended up sleeping next to her just so she could calm down.

She doesn't know what I did to the boy who took advantage of her and she doesn't need to. 

The truth is I haven't always felt this way about her. I've always seen her as just a friend, nothing more than that. To be honest, I've never even looked at her as someone I was attracted to. Maybe because I always had a type.

I also can't help but think my new found feelings have to do with the person that she is today. It sounds bad to say but she's certainly evolved from the person she was. She's more confident and self-aware, I guess I've always been attracted to that. But also, her absence in my life the past couple of months have been deeply felt. They do say you don't know what you have until you don't have it anymore don't they?

"You're your own person Tristan and Mia is too. This does not yet cause a threat to Mia and I's confidentiality because she's the one who referred you to me. You also both know that you're seeing me. I will however let you know if you need to see someone else. So tell me Tristan, how do you plan on dealing with your new found feelings for your best friend?" Dr Moyo asks after getting me out of my long daze.

"I haven't yet thought that far." I say truthfully. 

"What about Meghan?"

I still love my wife, a lot. But I don't know if our marriage is worth fighting for anymore. I see her trying now. She's early for our sessions and she's always actively participating in our counselling activities. And,

"She wants to move back home." I answer her.

"And how do you feel about that?" 

"I told her she can. It's her home too." It is. I bought the house for the two of us. Even put it in her name too.

"How do you feel about her wanting to move back in?" She repeats her question, clearly seeing I was trying to avoid answering it.

"She's an incredible woman." 

She really is. And she's all but a victim of my troubled ways.

I do however realize that my third leg was doing the thinking when it comes to her. She's incredibly beautiful and well, any man would be beyond stupid to let her go. So right then and there, I make my decision.

"I'm going to make it work with her."

I say finally answering her question. Well, kind of.

Yes I'm not really in love with her anymore, and yes we seem to have nothing in common but she's a good person. 

My heart would rather have Mia but I'd be selfish if I told her now how I feel, after everything I've put her through. 

The last thing I'll want to do is confuse her with my feelings. Besides, she's doing so well for herself. She's the happiest I've ever seen her, what kind of a person would I be if I ruined that for her?

I'm realizing that life is not perfect. We don't always get what we want.

I'm in love with my best friend but she's not in love with me anymore.