Softness In Love

Anxiety and School

Charlie's POV

      I sigh to myself as I look at the clock and realize that no matter how hard I try, I just can't not be able to go to sleep before school.

    Growing up, I've always hated everything about any place that made me talk out loud, but school is by far the worse. Talking tosrrabgees is linked with projects with half you grade and if you don't do them, you fail.

     And if I do do them, I become a stuttering crying mess that curls up into myself and a nice until they leave me alone and gets me to sit down.

     School doesn't care about anything but making students feel bad.

     And if I tell them in advance that it won't be a good idea for me to talk during class, they always tell me that I'm making excuses and only want some attention, when really, all I want is for everyone to leave me and let me sit in the back of the classroom so I can do my work in peace.

     And this isn't just a normal school with regular bullies and cheerleaders and stupid football players who try and act like they run the school.

     This is a school where all type of people go to, werewolf, vampire, humans, Daemons, they all live side by side together, hsiang their powers and showcasing them as if they're nothing. They're not going to like an outsider.

     I feel tears in my eyes and I go to wipe them away, so sick of crying, but not knowing what else to do.

     If mom was here, she would be sitting beside me with a cup of hot chocolate, a smile on her face and a hug. She would tell me that no matter what happened at school, I would always be her son, no matter how shy 8 was.

     I miss her.

     I reluctantly pull myself myself up from laying down, wishing that my dad wasn't the strict guy that he is so I could stay home for a few more days before I have to go to school. But I know that it's better to get it out of the way than to let my anxiety eat at me until I force myself to go and end up being a whole trainwreck.

     It's happened in too many instances in my life for me to do it to myself again.

     Just as I go to stand up, there's a knock on the door and I call out for my dad to come in. When we opens the door, I'm surprised to find a cup in his hand, and by the small of it, it's definitely hot chocolate. I feel myself wanting to cry, but I don't let my tears fall, knowing that it will only make my dad flustered and wanting to run away.

     It's a little funny how easily you can break a man with a few tears.

      "Hey, Charlie." He greets and clears his throat as he stops a foot or so from in front of me, looking around the room instead of at me, but I'm used to it.

     It's easier for us to connect when we can't see each other and remember my mom. I'm told I look like her, people have said so all my life. So I know it's a love the relationship my dad has with the fact, getting to see a little bit of her in me, but having the remind himself rhat that's all he'll get to see.

       "Hi." I answer, my voice never having matched my personality even if it is a bit on the softer side compared to most boys around my age.

      "I know your nervous, so I brought you that hot chocolate drink. I know you'll do a good job. And ahhh, call me, if soemthing goes wrong." He tells me, and I can feel him struggled but it still makes me smile a little bit as I reach out for the drink.

     "Thank you." I say graciously and he finally looks at me and gives me a nod, his own lips twitching to love upwards as he goes to leave.

     Once he's gone, I sip on my hot chocolate for a little while since I got up early and once I feel a little bit better about the day, I get up and set my half empty cup on the one table we were able to get up last night in my room before I was tired out.

     Besides my bed and my lamp on my bedside table, everything else has yet to be unpacked or out together.

      That men and it's going to be a long day.

      I walk over to one of my boxes by my closet, each on labeled with a type of clothing and begin searching through them before I've found myself a viable option for school.

     Once I've found everything, I walk out into the hallway to the bathroom, closing the door behind me before I set my clothes on the toilet seat, reaching into the box on the counter to grab all the soaps and everything I need to get ready for the day.

     I turn on the water before I undress and get inside, soaping my body up all over before I allow for the water to wash it away, feeling better with letting the hot waterfall touch my body.

      I stay in there a little longer than I planned before I rinse off my body completely and turn the shower off, grabbing at towel and getting out, drying off my body before I begin getting dressed. I replace my towel on the rack behind me and gather up my clothes from last night, taking them into my room to make a small pile next to the door so I can wash it when I get a few more clothes.

     I walk over to the wall by the window, and grab my book bag rhat doesn't have anything in it other than a few empty notebooks and some pens.

     I put the bag on to my shoulders and grab my keys, phone and my cup form the bedside table before I leave my room to go downstairs. I find my dad sitting at the table drinking some coffee. I place my cup in the fridge and go to sit down but my dad looks up at me with a stern gaze.

     "Eat something Charlie. Your anxiety will get worse if you don't." He tells me and nerve though I know he's right and I'm grateful that he pays attention when I talk, I still huff as I go to the fridge.

      I pick out an orange and peel it over the counter. "Are you going to work today?" I ask him, quietly, as I continue to get the peel of my of breakfast.

      "I'm supposed to go to the base about twenty minutes fork here in two day, they're allowing me to settle a little bit before we begin looking at a more civilian job so I can state home." He admits and I feel bad that I'm the reason rhat he isn't doing what he loves, but I don't comment on it as I pull the orange pieces apart and pop one into my mouth.

     Once I'm done eating, I pick up the orange peaks and walk to the back door, placing the peels in a small trash can by the door.

      Even with mom gone, I still  haven't given up on gardening and I'll try to do the one I plan for here, justice so that wherever she is looking down in us, she knows rhat we didn't forget her.

     I walk back towards the kitchen and look at the clock, my heart going to jump in my throat.

     "I'm leaving now." I tell my dad, wishing that I didn't have to go, but he looks up with a stent final nod and half of a pained smile that I take as a goodbye. I give him a wave before I make my way towards the front door.

      Sometimes zo catch myself wishing that I wasn't six foot one, so then people wouldn't just assume all the time that I'm strong, open and confident. I want people to stop thinking that I'm a player or that I lost my virgins it at all just because I look like the cool guys at my old school.

     Sometimes, I dream about a day where I will be the one to be taken care of, despite my size.

     If only I had a soulmate waiting for me, that knew what it was like for everything in life to be about your size.

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Should Mari be a power bottom or a top?

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QOTD: How did you sleep?