A Thousand Lies

31 | Another confession

UNEDITED

The cold breeze that brushed past me carried his words away as they left his mouth, leaving goosebumps in its wake. But weather the goosebumps were a result of the shock or the cold, I couldn't tell.

"What?"

It took all the endurance in me not to yell the syllables out, yet they were louder than I expected them to be.

When he only continued to hold his fixated gaze, the words came rushing back.

I was going to kill myself.

There was a possibility that Alan leuwenhook wouldn't be standing in front of me today. I might not have had the chance to meet him, or listen to his music ever again. He was my aspiration since day 1 and there was a chance that I would've never discovered the sort of person he was; his caring sides, his bashful expressions, his annoying smirk, the sarcastic remarks, the soft gaze that couldn't hide the sadness and anguish in his eyes.

I may not have ever truly known him.

Alan leuwenhook might've never been standing in front of me.

He could've been dead and to even think of the mere possibility killed me.

Even more than that, it was downright mortifying to think of what could have driven him to take such a decision.

"But you said that you were going to get your keys," the words came tumbling out of my mouth in a hurry.

After all, it couldn't be true.

I didn't want it to be true.

"And there was the balcony below."

He motioned me to come closer and I did, sitting down as my knees were close to giving out from sheer shock and nerves. He followed suite, and for a moment we sat in silence.

"I wanted to make it look like an accident, so Gran wouldn't blame herself."

"She still would." You would've been dead.

"I know that now. I was planning on jumping from the balcony. So that to anyone else it would look like I missed my footing trying to catch my phone."

What would have happened if I wasn't late that day? If I didn't stumble upon the scene? If I was a second late?

"So that's why you threw your phone down."

"Yeah- wait, why are you crying?"

His startled words made me touch my cheeks, only to find them wet.

"I'm not crying." I wiped the betrayers off angrily.

"Why are you mad? And you're still crying," he smiled sadly.

"I'm not-" I wiped the tears again. "I'm not crying." Just as I wiped them off, they continued to fall from my eyes like an avalanche.

"Bloody hell, these buggers."

"Stop crying hero," he said, brushing my tears away gently as if he was afraid he would hurt me. "I'm fine."

"You could've died. If I was late.. if I didn't come here that day... you would've- you would've-"

I couldn't say it again, the words stuck painfully in my throat and the tears falling freely from my eyes. I looked down, not wanting him to see me cry.

It was surprising to feel strong arms around me, pulling me to a muscular chest. The familiar scent of his cologne that I couldn't describe was all I could smell. It brought comfort and warmth; as if declaring the safety of everything and turning my fears away.