Save Me/ K. Takami (On Hiatus)

I Love You ( Y/N's POV)

Some people are afraid of dying. Some are afraid of how they'll die. Most are afraid of what's after dying. Is there heaven and hell? Is it just complete darkness for eternity? Do you wander the earth as a ghost, watching people live on with their lives without you? No one really knows until it happens. Some might say they aren't afraid of dying, but aren't we all afraid of the unknown? The fear of not knowing what will happen. If we're so scared, then why do we do it? Why do we take our own lives? Why do we leave it all behind? Maybe it's because we think that no matter what happens, it's better than what we have. It's better than the pain and the hurt. That anything is better than the life we have. That death can't compare to what we had to live with. Sometimes our emotions kill us from the inside. Day by day they just become too much. Sometimes it's the complete opposite. You just feel empty. You're not happy or sad. Just empty. It's like everything is slowly losing their color. Food doesn't have taste anymore. The things you used to love doing just don't give you the same feeling anymore. You start to wonder what you're even doing anymore. Why I am here? Do I have a purpose? Is there something I'm supposed to be doing? What am I missing? You just feel so lost and out of place. Like you're walking up a never ending staircase. With each step you take the more tired you get.

Maybe we take our lives for a completely different reason. Sometimes we feel that we drag down the people around us. That we only hurt the people we care about. That no matter how hard you try, you always seem to mess things up. It's like trying to fix a broken plate. You can glue it back together, but the cracks will never leave. That damage can't be fixed. You promise that you'll do better, but it's never enough. You think that if you're gone, they can be so much happier. It's for the best right?

So why am I still so scared?
I'm scared to die.
I'm scared of what's after dying. If heaven and hell are real, then the worst is yet to come for me. If it's just darkness, then I'll be alone with my thoughts for forever. I won't be able to handle wandering as a ghost and watch the people I love slowly forget about me.

I suddenly regret everything. I shouldn't have done this. I still want to live. I don't care how bad it is. I don't care how much it hurts.

I'm scared of dying.

I feel like I'm just drifting in a current. I feel like I'm under water, but I can still breath. It's dark all around me. I start to see a bright light wrap around my body. It wasn't like I was chained down, it just felt light as it barely grazed my skin. It made circles around me until it was over my entire body. It grazed my nose as it tightened and pulled me straight up. It was like I was pulled out of water. Everything was still pitch black as I stood on top on the water now. The string of light untied from me as it hung loosely on my body. The end started to dance in front of me. Weaving patterns in this emptiness. I walk towards it as it starts to move forward. The water slightly splashed under my feet as I start to jog. The string of light started to go faster. Then it stopped. It was a few feet in front of me. It looked beautiful. It looked like a string of stars. I reach my hand out to touch it. Once I did, it exploded. It flared up into some type of window. It still was bright and it sparkled as it rippled like a puddle in front of me. It was about the size of my upper body as it had a golden hue to it. I carefully looked into it.

I saw my parents. They were still alive. I was there too, just my younger version. We were sitting on the floor of our living room. We had on matching reindeer pajamas as we got hot chocolate from a tray that was on the table. Our Christmas tree was lit up in front of us. I see as my younger self drinks the burning drink too fast.

"Ow!" I yelped out as my eyes tear up.
"N/N, you have to be more careful. You know you have to wait for it to cool down." Mom lightly scolded me as she took the cup from to cool it down. Dad just laughed as he wiped away my tears as be made a silly face to cheer me up. I laughed at him as I made a silly face of my own.