The G Word.

26.

"watch it idiot !" I yell as Lee steps out of his car .

"Alex come on I'll take you home ." He completely ignores my complaint.

"No." I turn and continue to stomp out the gates , oblivious to the slowly changing weather .
The one time I decide to skate home and this shit happens.

Before Lee can catch up to me I run to the abandoned house which isn't that far away from school , I really  hope he doesn't catch up . Luckily I'm way ahead and I take a corner before he can spot me .
I really don't want to talk to anyone tight now , especially not him .

********

Once I throw myself on the old  leather couch I feel the whole weight of my body just fall over me , every aching bone and the sinking feeling of my chest , I feel everything .
My left knee starts to hurt again , the pain comes and goes in what feels like jabs making it twitch .
I curl up on the couch and pull my legs to to my chest .
I feel so angry , weak and helpless all at the same time . The argument from yesterday and now my friends at school ... I should have known you shouldn't get so attached to people . They only break you and leave you even when they promised to stay , that's all they're good for really .
I rub my left knee to calm myself down , I don't know why , whenever I get anxious or angry it calms me down .
Mostly happens when I think about my dad.

Dad, I don't even know if I can call him that anymore .The thought of him gets me so angry and  makes me feel so sad at the same time , I close my eyes shut right to keep the tears in , I feel a painful tightness creeping up my throat .
I place my head over my knees and bite down hard on my lower lip , why does it have to hurt so much .
I shouldn't care at all , he shouldn't matter anymore . He left that was his choice... but I wish he hadn't  why couldn't he stay and try to fix things with mom ? Could it have been that hard ?
My heart seems to stop at a point , my lungs feel constricted at the thought of Felipe and Isabella , what is happening to them ? I'm so scared of what I see everytime I look into their eyes .
Mom isn't herself anymore and she won't let anyone in , not even grandma .She made me swear not to tell anyone .
I... I don't know how to help people who don't want it , I kind of wish I could let everything go and just be like them , wallow in pain because it must be  better than trying to be strong if they don't want to change , right ?

*********

"Alex... Alex?" I'm taken out of my thoughts when I hear an all too familiar voice .
I should have known he'd find me .

"Alex I know you're in there ." I keep silent , maybe he'll go away .

"I'm not leaving until I talk to you ."

Silence.

"Alex..." I hear again behind me .
It's coming from the giant hole  the  wall which I guess was once a window .

"Lex , come on ."

"Go away please." I answer coldly .

Silence .

"No." He says climbing into the room .

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what your problem is ." He declares .

"Well get comfortable cos I'm not telling you anything ." I say not facing him .

"Seriously , don't be such a child ."

" Leave me alone Lee your wasting your time ."

"No I'm not now stop being such a child and tell me what your problem is ."

" why do you care ? It's not like you can fix it and either way I don't need anyone to fix it ." I say trying to keep my tone in balance and not yell .

"What makes you so sure I can't help ?" He says now standing in front of me .

"Because let's be honest you don't even care to begin with !"

" What ? Then why would I follow you here if i didn't ?"

"You tell me ."

"Why are you being so difficult , you're never like this ."

"Like what !"

"Like this , you ...  acting like a child ."
Is he being for real right now ?

"You know Lee , just go home ,if you're worried about practice don't , I'll practice it and we can rehearse tomorrow okay , bye ."
I say clenching my fist .

He just stands there staring at me , he's not leaving , he should
leave and hang out with Quinn.

"What , go ." I say glaring at him .

"No , I won't you know why ? Because I care Alex you're my friend ."

"Well so is the rest of the school." I retort and I realise I am starting to act like a child but I honestly didn't ask him to be here .

"Oh come on Alex don't say that , you're closer to me that they are , you and Mike are my closest friends so don't say that , you know it isn't true !" I he groans frustratedly and pinches his nose bridge and sighs .

"Lex...are you ...crying?" He says or more like  whispers  when he squats down to look at me .
I turn my head to avoid his gaze but he keeps staring at me .
I feel so embarrassed I can feel my checks heating up .
I wipe the tear away and try to act like he didn't just see me .

"No , what are you talking about ?" I say rubbing my the sides of my arms to stop shivering so much .

"Mh." He says covering me in his jacket and sitting next to me .

"Look if you're not ready to tell me I'm not going to force it out of you but just know I'm here for you ." He says watching me so intently .

"Ow !" He yells rubbing his right arm .

"Dude!what was that for ?"

"That's for taking my friend away from me and for missing all those practices ."

"But still did you have to punch so hard !"

"Keep talking and I'll knock your teeth out you jerk ! "

"Lex , I don't even understand what you mean by taking Quin away from you ."

"Oh really ?" I ask annoyed by his innocent expression .

"Yes really ."