Numb | Editing | 18+

Chapter Fifteen: Easier To Run

Trigger warnings for this chapter:

• Physical violence

• Physical abuse

• Triggering language

• Death threats

• Mentions of past abuse

• Mentions of sexual abuse

• Mentions of rape

--

It's easier to run, replacing this pain with something numb

It's so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here, all alone.

(Part 1)

---

*Wednesday, March 11, 2020; 12:19 P.M.*

*Linden's point of view*

I've been dreading having to go back to this hellhole for so long, and unfortunately, I'm going back there, today. Right now, actually.

I would have chosen to stay with Adrian, but unfortunately, that's no longer an option.

Why?

Because my cowardice and I fucked (it) up.

Yesterday, I had a really heated argument with Adrian, because I thought that she was trying to get into my personal space, when all she was trying to do was help me.

All that she was trying to do was help me, and I threw it back at her.

I still remember the look that she had on her face; her eyes filled with anger, and sadness. I could just tell that it took everything in her to not start yelling back at me, but instead, she told me "whatever", and we just flat out refused to talk to eachother after that.

What happened this morning wasn't good, either. When I woke up this morning, she was sitting in the same chair that she always sat in, and when I realized that she was there with me, I sat up, and glared at her, and she rolled her eyes at me.

Right now, I'm in Ian's car, on the way to my "home", and the reason of why I put emphasis on the word "home", is because I don't at all consider it to be my home.

I'm no longer mad at Adrian, but instead, I'm mad at myself, and I just want to scream, cry, and ask for her forgiveness at the end. I need her more than ever, and I can't even go to her, because she most likely doesn't want to be anywhere near me, now.

But, maybe, just maybe, I made the right choice to cut her off. Maybe Adrian was the right person who came at the wrong time, and she and I just weren't meant to be friends. I don't want to accept it, but deep down, I know that it's the truth, that she'll never be happy when I'm around, that I'll ruin her, and that I eventually had to let her go.

Besides, Ian has damaged and cursed me, ruining me for anyone else. He made it so that I ruin everything that I touch. He shattered me.

It hurts, but it's okay; I'm used to it.

*time skip*

After a while, we got home.

Since I couldn't completely walk, I had to use crutches, and Ian kind of took advantage of this, because not even a minute after entering the house, I find myself on the floor, writhing in pain after he slaps me, and shoves me to the ground. He then forcefully grabs me by my shirt collar, lifts me up, and throws me to the ground, once again. On my way down, I bump into a table, and I feel something break.