To Be With You (Westlife Fan Fiction) Completed

Chapter 11 - To hell with you

Just stop. I had to keep telling myself durning the lunch that day.

Just stop thinking about him. What's wrong with me?

Even to not look at him was a fight against my own instincts. At last, I unconsciously surrendered.

"Still someone there?" Mark waved in front of my eyes. Giggles were heard around the table.

"Ah, wha.. yeah..." I answered confused, I had totally swept away on my own thoughts. Then embarrassment flushed over me. I stared down in my plate and prayed for God that none of them had seen who's eyes I had been drowning in.

"What was on your mind?" Bryan asked. I hoped no other than me heard the teasing tone in his voice.

"Don't know. Can't remember." I replied quickly.

"I'm sure it was something really interesting." He spoke with a hidden smile. "I could tell on your face."

"Must've been, then." I mumbled. I knew he was just teasing me by some discreet flirting. But my biggest fear was to make the other Westlife-guys realise what was going on. Or anyone in the crew. Bryan on the other hand, seemed to like the idea of provoking my weakness.

My phone buzzed in my jeans. I carefully picked it up and read on the display.

I wanna meet you.

It was Derek. How surprising... I rolled my eyes discreetly when I texted back.

You know I'm working.

He texted back the other second.

You have breaks.

I stared to feel uneasy. I couldn't meet him. Not now. And in fact, I didn't want to meet him.

I have a lunch break and that's it. A meeting with u would be very short. Sorry, I dont have the time.

My phone buzzed for the third time.

Why are you avoiding me? When can we meet?

I now remembered that I hadn't told him what I was working with. He hadn't asked either. Why should I?

I'll be traveling with my job for the following three moths. We will not be able to meet until after then.

I took a deep breath after I'd sent the message away, and succumbed away my plate. I hadn't eaten much, but I needed to be by myself for a moment before I started working. Maybe also call Derek.

"Hey, Lauren!"

I had started to walk towards the exit of the canteen when Shane came towards me.

"Here... Your phone. You left it on the table..." His face expression hid something. He knew something,
I could see it. It was like he pitied me in some way. Why?

I grabbed my phone and once I read my SMS, I found the answer. He must have seen the message.

To hell with you. It's over.

I turned around and walked towards my loge. Time after time I swallowed the lump in my throat that tempt me to burst out in tears. I bumped down on my bed and lay down. Thoughts ran around in my head like crazy.

Derek's words hurt me, they did. But I knew I didn't love him. I wouldn't miss him. My sadness had it's roots under another tree.

Now I was single. But Bryan still wasn't. When we both were in a relationship, we both had reasons to not get together. But now, I was just standing empty handed. I was the one who was left without.

I was alone and deselected.

Why didn't Bryan just fix his divorce? What took such a time? Maybe he had changed his feelings for me. Had I just imagined some sort of flirting at the lunch table? Had Shane told him about my breakup?

My light blue pillow was soon patterned by dark spots from my tears. Would we ever get together? Or was it just a unrealistic dream that soon would break me? Should I just forget about him, stop telling myself that the time will come when it's me and him?

My head felt like exploding any second.