Searching For You

Chapter 17: Nightfall's Confessions

Nightfall had come for the riders. They sat around a warm, sizzling campfire, worn out from a day's worth of flying. The dragons were no different. They were all exhausted and passed out on the ground with tired wings.

Most of the riders had already fallen asleep. Once again Hiccup and Astrid were the only ones awake. Hiccup was over by the edge of the island that had chosen to spend the night on. Astrid still sat by the campfire.

She placed a hand on her bag, which was lying next to her. She took a deep breath before pulling out the journal and drawings. Deciding it was time she finally got some answers she arose from her spot on the ground and walked over to Hiccup.

She sat next to him with the book out of view. "Hey," she said softly. "Hey," he replied.

"Hiccup... did you always know?" She asked, making no attempt to hold eye contact. Hiccup knew exactly what she was talking about. He sighed deeply before giving her an answer. "Yes." He said solemnly.

"Well if you knew then why didn't you..."

"Because there was nothing you could have done."

She looked at him slightly shocked. "Hiccup, could you please at least tell me when it started." She said, bringing the journal into view.

He looked down at it in her hands. "Where did you get this?"

"Your father sent it a few days ago before we found you. I looked through it a bit, though I wish I hadn't. Could you please explain a little bit? You don't have to tell anyone else, and I won't tell them unless you want me to."

He inhaled deeply. "I guess it's only fair if I answer some of your questions."

Astrid sat waiting for him to continue.

"I was four years old when it started. I guess I had always been like this but I hadn't known until I was four. It all happened so fast. I was scared of what might happen. So I just kept it a secret. As you probably read, over the years it only got worse. More painful. But I didn't stop fighting. That time on the Edge was the worst one. I could hardly focus on anything other than the pain."

She thought about how out of focus he seemed that last time on the Edge. Occasionally blanking out even while they were fighting.

"I didn't know what I was going to do. I didn't think there was anything that could be done. I started writing in that journal to try and take my mind off it but it didn't really help."

He took one of the drawings from her hands. "And these. I wasn't even sure what these were."

"You said that you were having weird dreams."

He nodded. "Yeah. Anytime I felt it these strange visions would come to me every night so I tried to make sense of them. At first, I was so confused about what it meant. But, now I know." He took the best-looking one from her. He placed a finger on the old drawing. "This.... this is where we're going. I know this isn't the best picture but I hope it gives you some ideas. Now I know that even back then I always knew this island meant something to me. But, it still feels weird... that it's no longer just a vision. I am still afraid of how the others will react to you guys. I don't want to put anyone in danger."

Astrid understood that. Hiccup would always go out of his way to keep them out of danger, even if it meant putting himself in it.

"Three years ago... when I changed. That was a part of me I hoped no one would ever see. What had happened was I lost control of who I was. Like I said, I don't remember most of it. Anytime I was closer to a wild animal than a civilized being was a time I wasn't the one in control. I know that probably sounds confusing, but that's about the best way I can put it. Only small snippets come to me even now. Part of me wishes I remembered, but the other part never wants to think about it."

As she listened to him explain what had happened so long ago some of it started making sense. She clearly remembered at times she would check on him and would find him seeming like he was in deep pain. Although nothing seemed physically wrong with him she now understood that he was probably trying to fight for control again.

"Is what you went through something all Hybrids deal with?"

He shook his head. "No. Only ones whose both parents are human. Like me."

Astrid was glad Hiccup had decided to open up to her.

"When I first arrived on the island the others were very welcoming to me. I felt at home even though I had never been there. It really made me feel safe. I'll have to tell the others this too, but when we get there you guys will have to do exactly what I say, at least until they warm up to you a little bit. Some are more trusting than others. Take me for example. I hate humans at this point. Of course not you guys. I know you would never hurt me or them, but they don't know that. But I have seen what people can do. Especially when you don't fit in with them. That's why I don't really care for people anymore. But I am sure you can change their minds about you. You'll just have to show them."

She knew Hiccup had changed but that had taken her by surprise. He went from the kind of person who cares about practically everyone to straight up saying he hates humans. It wasn't something she expected him to say.

"How's my father?" He asked suddenly, changing the subject after a few moments of awkward silence.

"Oh, he's doing fine. He really misses you though. We all did. But...." she didn't have the heart to tell him that those who used to look to him as a leader now hated him with a passion.

He looked away from her for a moment. "You can tell me. I already know. They hate me."

She was caught off guard. "W-what do you mean you know?"

"I have flown by Berk a few times and even landed on it a few times. I know how they feel about me now because I'm not one of them. Not anymore. I would have come down and said 'hi' or something but I was afraid of what might happen to me, or you, if I did that."

"Oh Hiccup, I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault they hate me."

She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Well, we should get some rest. It's another long day of flying tomorrow." Hiccup suggested.

Astrid agreed and they both walked back to the dying fire. Hiccup was hanging upside down from a tree limb and Astrid was cuddled close with her dragon.

Both dozed off into an easy sleep awaiting the morning.