The Rockstar's bodyguard { A Bethanny Mcnarie novel }

Chapter 27: The Party Crasher { Aaron POV }

It was finally my birthday. 

To celebrate, I had some of my LA buddies come over and have some drinks thay I'd bought legally, for once. I'd been dividing my time between working freelance security jobs and working out like a psychopath. I wanted to be ripped before I went to boot camp, so I prepped. I had a month or so left, and each day was spent diligently doing training. All I'd eaten was a protein diet, and tonight,  I was going to have beer. Hallelujah. 

"Twenty one," Logan said. He was a friend from the diner I used to work at. "Dude, you need to get laid. "

"No no," Danny said. Danny was a cop who came into the old diner. "Aaron quit women. After Sienna broke his balls, he's like celibate."

"Lets call a stripper!" Logan shouted.

I rolled my eyes. They were hopeless.

"If we call a stripper my wife will kill me," Danny quipped.

"So," I said to Danny. "How's married life?"

"Great," he smiled. "Look, being a cop is tough.  That woman is my life. Having someone to come home to males a difference."

"Whatever, " Logan snorted. "I can go to strip clubs still. Like a real man."

"A real lonely man, " I said.

"You know, " Danny smiled. "My wife has lots of single friends. College girls,  secretaries. She even has a sister who is a yoga instructor."

"Dibs," Logan said. "Dibs on the yoga sister."

Before I could answer, there was a knock at the door. I stood up,  shaking my head. I opened the door, expecting my friend Paul to be there. Instead, I saw Bethanny holding a present and a frown. This would be interesting.

"We need to talk, Aaron Andrews," she seethed. "You're in big trouble."

The guys behind me were suddenly deadly silent and Beth didn't seem to notice them.  She only saw me, and she had murder in her eyes. Dear lord I was going to hear it.

"Here is your stupid present from my stupid father," she shoved it at me.

"Thank you?" I said.

"You know what," she yelled. "I haven't slept all week. Do you know why, Aaron? "

"Why..." I asked hesitantly. 

"I've been having nightmares. Nightmares about you dying in a plane, falling down in flames. Nightmares about going to your funeral. Or nightmares that you leave and just disappear somehow. I'm scared shitless Aaron. "

"Beth..." I sighed.

"You come over and are just like 'hey I'm in the military now.' As if I was just some girl. I might as well have learned about  this shit on facebook!"

"Beth, that's not..."

"I mean, I get this is complicated. But you just cut me out. One day you're in love with me, and then I get texts here and there."

"Beth, " I said. "You needed space. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you in a better way. But you'd still be worried either way, and you know it. You're not mad, you're terrified."

"Damn straight I'm terrified.  If I lost you...did you even think of me, or your sisters,  or your mother?"

The guys remained silent, watching Beth as if she was a unicorn or something mythical. Sure, girls didn't come here often. Ok, girls never came here.

"Yes," I said sternly. "I'm addition to fighting to keep our country safe for my mother, my sisters, and you, I need to do this."

"Why?" She demanded.

"Because I want to become a part of something bigger. I want to to become a man of honor and who can sacrifice for the right reasons. I haven't been the man I should have been. This is a way for me to change, to grow. It's just what I need to do."

"Jesus, Aaron," she sighed. "Did you join the military because you're in love with me."
Finally she got it. She understood now.

"Yes, I did."

The guys were opened mouthed in shock now. Could they tell she was seventeen? Possibly not. It didn't matter. Beth wanted to talk now;  we'd talk now. 

"Aaron...there are better ways to deal with the guilt. Sure,  we should not be together. We're not. Don't feel guilty. Don't martyr yourself."

"I don't... I don't feel guilty," I said. "I feel like if I can ever make you happy,  the way I want to, this is what I need to do."

"And if you die," she said. "What do I do then? Huh?"

"Then you move on," I said. "You never needed me. I've always been the one who needed you.  You'd be fine, and you'd be proud.  But I won't die, I can't.  I'll come home to you."

"I can't, " she sighed. "I can't handle this. I'm seventeen Aaron. "

"Oh snap," Logan said. "She's jailbait. "

"I'm sorry, " I said. "This is one of the reasons I'm not your boyfriend.  It's too much for you."

"No. I'm not your girlfriend. " She said.

She paused before she spoke again. Then she was serious.

"So I'll be just another face at your funeral. Or just some girl you knew when you left to see the world. Aaron... I need... I need you to figure it out. I know it's messy.  I know we can't have any sort of physical relationship.  But if you're going half way around the world to possibly die,  I don't want to be the girl who almost loved you.  I want to have as much of a life as I can with you now. So either you're in, or I have to let this go. I can't hang on half way. It's too painful."

"Then let go," I said.

It hurt, but I needed her to let go. She was right, this was too much for her.

"You and your god damn sacrifices, " she said.

She threw the present down and turned, walking away. A part of me felt like shattering, but I couldn't.  I didn't have the energy. Maybe I lost her; maybe I hadn't.  I couldn't be her boyfriend,  not now. Maybe not ever.

If she wanted all or nothing, nothing was all I had to give.

Andrew lifted up his beer as I turned back; I was ready to explain myself.

"Now do we get a stripper?" Logan asked.

Both Danny and I said a resounding "no!"

And then I took another drink,  drowning my problems.