twisted

nine

11.23) hi loves :)

okay i feel like i definitely could have done better with last chapter's smut - but hear me out. I've come pretty far if you were to read the first smut chapter I did in my first book. sheesh. but when i read fanfics most of the time the smut is 100x better as time goes on so just bear with me and give me recommendations!! i wanna know what kinda stuff youre into. i'll do better next time. plus i have some crazy ideas ;)

here's a quick filler. its a bit sad :(. things are going to start escalating soon.

*TW!: mentions of abuse

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lorenzo berkshire

I laid in bed and pondered. I hadn't gotten a chance to glimpse at the time, but the sun was just rising and it would be a while before Lucille woke up. That girl loves her sleep.

I flipped to my side and turned to face her. I examined her facial features, taking in her immense beauty. Her long, soft brown hair, flowing over her shoulders and in in front of her face, the soft light coming from the newborn sun hitting the wavy strands. Her eyelids softly closed, covering her beautiful greenish-gray eyes. Her smooth skin radiating a soft glow. Her pink full lips.

Everything about her just made me wonder how I deserved last night. How I deserved her in my life.

I've lived with Mumsy and Draco since I was four years old.

Mumsy isn't my real mother. But I have always viewed her that way.

My own mother was Bellatrix Lestrange. No one knew that except for Mumsy and I, and I planned on keeping it that way.

From what I could remember, living with that witch was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. The things that I had seen were unbearable. I had images and memories engraved in my head that no four-year-olds should have ever had to witness.

My mother had taken me with her to some of her horrid events - she and the other Death Eaters have killed countless people in front of my bare eyes that were filled with childhood innocence until the first time I had to witness it. She never showed any sympathy towards these innocent people. I remember the look in her eyes when she did it. It was like a high - her eyes would widen and she'd smile like a kid as they saw their presents under the tree on Christmas morning. I remember she'd say to me "Hush, child. Mommy is just getting rid of the bad guys. They mean nothing to us. Do not cry."

If I cried, or complained, or begged her to stop, that would earn me a hard slap in the face and a day in the basement, in the dark, all alone with nothing to do and not a soul to speak with but myself. I was terrified of the dark when I was little. I remember I'd sit in the basement, hiding in a corner talking to myself so I wouldn't have to hear the little creaks on the floor or a tap on the wall.

I was an accident, my mother had told me herself. She got knocked up with my father, who had left her immediately. She would always complain about me and say that I was going to ruin her success.

I suffered with PTSD for years after I moved in with Mumsy and Draco. I think part of the reason it took me so long to recover was because Lucius reminded me of my mother.

But as least my real mum didn't force me to have sex when I was fourteen fucking years old.

I've mainly gotten over it. I tell myself I'm over it.

But the memory is always there. It's always in the back of my head and I'll never forget it.

It's been a few years since that happened. I'm better now. But when I was younger, sometimes it felt as though I couldn't breathe at night. It was like I was screaming at the top of my lungs and no one could hear me. Not even my best friends - not Lucille, not Onyx, not Blaise, or Draco-. Even Mumsy couldn't even touch me, even if it was an accident, without me flinching.