twisted

twenty six

a/n - pls don't bully me for this short & sloppy chapter. i wanted to make this chapter really good but i've lost so much motivation and these 2700 words have taken me days. part 2 will be out soon i promise! dont forget to vote pleasee

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a few weeks later - 30 June 1997

draco malfoy - 6:46 P.M.

Every time I told myself to take a break, every time I sank to the floor, my mind reminded me of the seconds I was wasting. Eating was a waste of time. Sleeping was a waste of time. If I did not complete mending this vanishing cabinet soon, I feared for myself. I feared for my mother.

Every day was another reminder of who I am. If I sat down, even for a moment, doing nothing in particular, I'd receive a raised eyebrow from Professor Snape.

I was in this fucking Room of Requirement more than I was in my own.

And when I was in my own, I was rarely sleeping, for I feared to be awake, and I feared to be asleep. Nearly every time I shut my eyes, I'd be awaken soon after with a violent, vivid dream -- which never made me feel extremely safe anywhere.

But now, I was so close. And as heartless as seemed, Merlin, was I relieved. All these restless nights, all these tiring days, it would all soon be over -- if I was able to sleep, that is.

Guilt and sorrow built up in the pit of my stomach, and I was overwhelmed with nausea.

I felt awful. Take everything I've ever done, everything I've ever said, and multiply it by a hundred -- and you wouldn't be close.

I was helping Death Eaters into Hogwarts, putting hundreds of witches and wizards at risk. Specifically Professor Dumbledore and Harry Potter. And as relentless as I was towards him, I never wished anything upon the lines of death unto him.

This was my fault. I was a selfish boy, completing a task that could harm so many people so I could spare my own life and my mother's.

And what hurt so much was that no one knew. No one knew, no one understood, and no one related, because what I was going through was so awful and so cruel -- it was something that would occur only in nightmares.

So after I'd finished this task, I wondered if I wanted more to be dead or alive afterwards. Not that I had the chance to make this an option, considering I was likely to die soon.

But living would be hell on Earth. All I'd receive would be critical glares--I'd surely be staying home.

I took a few shaky steps towards the broken mahogany coffee table, and grabbed the green apple I placed on it hours ago. As I did so, the table fell loose to the side.

I held the apple to my face, examining it briefly, and then I drew in a deep breath. I started to walk slowly back towards the cabinet, somehow choking on my own breath.

My hands gripped the cold handle on the cabinet and I drew it open slowly. Once more, I took a good look at the apple before placing it in the center of the cabinet, and I shut it closed. I closed my eyes for a moment, then opened them and grabbed my wand.

How many more times would I have to do this?

I pointed my wand towards the cabinet and took a moment to focus before whispering slowly, "Harmonia Nectere Passus."

My wand fell to my side again as I placed my hand on the handle and hesitated for a moment. Then, I slowly opened the door.

Gone.

I broke out into a cold, anticipant sweat. In that moment, a weight got lifted from my chest only for a boulder to smack down harder.

I shook my head to myself in utter disbelief--I had been so used to failure that I didn't expect success.