ratatouille x jerry

the virgin rat v.s. the chad mafia

Chapter 8

I can't believe that I'm gonna get eaten by a gang of crows, I'm too young to be eaten by the mafia!

Every time he blinked, he was even higher in the air. Where could they be taking him?

After a couple of minutes, they stopped gaining height and they soared downwards. Now Remy was dreading his inevitable death. Everyone he knew would never see him again. Linguini would be devastated if his pet rat never returned home and he would break his promise to Jerry as well.

The crows landed in an alleyway that was akin to the one he met the other rat in, except it was much cleaner and without the pizza smell. The alleyway had an abandoned Christmas tree angled on its side. Although it looked pretty dead to Remy, it was teeming of mothers and baby crows. In the crotch of the tree, there was a big, fancy nest. It was likely for the mafia members.

"Wow, I didn't even know baby crows existed!" Remy exclaimed.

"Whaddya mean ya didn't know baby crows existed? Of course they'd hafta exist where d'ya think we came from eh?" The leader of the crows exclaimed.

"Well, have you ever seen a baby crow befo-" Remy stopped himself before realizing, of course, a CROW had seen a baby crow.

One of the bigger crows turned to the leader and said, "Hey boss, uh, this one's kinda dumb, ya still think we should eat 'em?"

"Of course we'll eat 'em ya dumbfuck, we don't get dumber because'a what we eat! Remember that cockroach ya ate 2 weeks ago? You didn't get dumber, right??"

"I dunno about that sir, I can't do basic math."

"NONE OF US CAN DO BASIC MATH YOU IMBECILE, WE'RE CROWS FOR GOD'S SAKE!"

If they keep this up, maybe I could escape without them noticing, Remy pondered. He made for his escape, slowly backing away, when another crow swiftly grabbed him and lifted him just high enough so that he could no longer run.

Why do I hear boss music?

"Oh ho ho, the aristoRAT is tryna escape, huh? Betcha even have a collar and get baths, and warm food, and a place to sleep, huh??" The leader sounded wistful, though he'd never admit it.

"Betcha don't even know what barterin' is, ya house pet!"

The crows in the back started whispering and giggling to themselves. One of them cheerfully exclaimed to the others nearby, "Bet he's so domesticated he's neutered!!"

Damn, they really do be ripping me to shreds with words alone.

The crows continued to end his career with very colorful insults, all the while depleting his confidence with every sentence.

"Ya think he gets pet too? Like a funny lil' fetish? haha."

Out of the corner of his eye, he spots a graceful silhouette sitting nearby. Eh, it's probably just another crow. I'll be dead soon anyways, either from being ripped to shreds verbally, or physically. Or both.

"Oi Petco slave, what's it like ta eat gourmet shit?" The leader directed the question at Remy, turning his attention away from the mysterious silhouette.

"I- uh- gourmet food? I haven't had any since my time at the restaurant!"

"Damn dawg that's a lie straight outta your teeth, we all know that ya never even touched a garbage bag outside ya house!" The crows collectively laughed at his remark. Though it was true, they misunderstood his answer.

"No sir, I helped make gourmet food at Gusteau's Restaurant, the last time I rummaged through trash was years ago."

"Aw ya hear that, he's the celebrity rat! Oh yeah we heard about'cha." One of the crows from all the way back stepped forward. How did they know about this?

"H-how did you know?" Remy was terrified by their seemingly infinite knowledge.

"Bruh how would we NOT know, like obviously we got some connections." The leader made it sound like everyone in the block knew, even though the actual restaurant was somewhat far from this neighborhood.

"Welp, now that we know who we're dealin' with, I guess this means it's time to chow down, eh boys?" The leader squawked, looking back at the crows behind him. They all cawed in unison.

"Aight, time for dinner!" The leader yelled, and all the crows swarmed towards Remy, with hunger in their eyes.

Even though Remy thought he had accepted his fate, he was still horrified by what was about to come. He let out the biggest scream which came out as a supersonic squeak. The loudness almost hurt his own ears.

But then, he felt a harsh shove. He waited a few seconds, but he wasn't dead.

He looked up from the rocky ground, and his old pal Lucy was here. When he looked towards her, he noticed the leader of the crow mafia thrusting around in the cat's jaws. He was vigorously flapping his wings in a futile attempt to survive, but he quickly lost strength and slowed.

The leader was dead.

The rest of the crows, horrified, flew back towards their nest in the back of the alleyway. A few of the leader's right hand men kept cawing at Lucy, but as soon as she turned to face them, the leader still in her mouth, they lost courage and flew away as well.

"Lucy, what are you doing here?" Remy exclaimed.

A/N: the crotch of a tree is an actual term used by tree fetishists enthusiasts. i swear we didn't make this up just to make a questionable line